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Published: November 23, 2009
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Top Ten Reasons Why Hideki Matsui Will Never Play For The Red Sox
10. George Steinbrenner would have him killed
9. No more invites to Letterman intern orgies
8. Would have to share translator with Dice-K
7. Green Monster makes him homesick
6. Doesn't consider Boston a college town
5. Fenway Frank reminds him of a penis
4. Would shame his country for playing on team once proudly described as "idiots"
3. Pinstripes have a slimming effect Red Sox uniforms don't provide
2. Jamie McCourt offered to sleep with him if he came to the Dodgers
1. Brian Cashman offered to sleep with him if he stays with the Yankees
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