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October 03, 2011

Yes girls I'm single...But not for long. After this baby gets around the office my poon-swatter will be knee deep in balls deep...(Inspired by a segment from RadioAwesome.com)

New Girlfriend Application

This will be broken up into a three part application of, short answer, fill in the blank and (Circle one) kind of exactly like Yes or No... In random order.  Keep your answers on the line. Do not write above or below the space provided and don’t draw arrows or write in the margins or leave any blanks. And especially(1)


Please list any drugs you have tried, or are willing to try, or currently use, In random order.  Go! ____________________________________________________________________


What was your last Halloween costume? Fill in the blank  “A slutty _______________________________________________________________.”


No or Who  (circle one) Denis Leary is funny.

Do you have access to a pool or hot tub?   Yes  or No

Fill in the blank “My name is” __________________.


What’s your middle name? (“No you tell me first!” is always a cute answer)__________.”


I actually don’t give a damn about your middle name. unless its something really funny then I will make fun of you and your stupid parents ruthlessly.


My god how old are you?  (Fill in the blank) _ .


Please attach a picture of you (holding the current Cosmo Magazine on news stands, from the waist up)


How may kids do you have? None  or  Some (circle one)

Daddy issues? __________________________________________________________


Are you married? No  or  No (circle one)

  This is only for my lawyer 


How many nights a week do you drink?  0    6 7    8  (circle one)


Do you live in or around Columbus Ohio? Yes or No  (figure it out)


That will be the only legitimate question on this application


Do you find it strange for someone my age to still play with Nerf guns? Yes  or No


If you circled “Yes” then I ask you this. Have you ever played with a Nerf gun or seen the amazing YouTube Nerf War videos? BITCH


Is it strange that I just spent the last two minutes trying to backspace and correct a strange punctuation, only to realize it was a piece of dirt on my screen?    Yes  or  LMFAO  


Threesomes?(Please explain) Part 1 of 2:


Part 2:
Can you be found on ChristianMingle.com?  Yes  or No Comment

Thank you for your time. If you have any questions please feel free to ask your parents. No points will be duducted for spelling errors. So don't point out mine. Slut... 



I certify that the information contained in this application is correct to the best of my knowledge. I understand that to falsify information is grounds for refusing to hire me, or for discharge should I be hired.I authorize any person, organization or company listed on this application to furnish you any and all information concerning my previous employment, education and qualifications for employment. I also authorize you to request and receive such information.In consideration for my employment, I agree to abide by the rules and regulations of the company, which rules may be changed, withdrawn, added or interpreted at any time, at the company’s sole option and without prior notice to me.I also acknowledge that my employment may be terminated, or any offer or acceptanceof employmentwithdrawn, at any time, with or without cause, and with or without prior notice at the option of the company. I.E. I FIND SOMEONE BETTER. EOE!

Signature:____________________________________ Date: ___________