After much extensive research and many long hours spent in the man-lab, we at the Boat, have compiled an alarmingly accurate list of the 10 best dudes to bang in the universe. You may not agree with our list, but we can assure you, these are the ten sexiest men in the universe.
List compiled by Dick "The Duke" Johnson and Time Machine
10. Michael Cera
The youngest man/boy we'd like to bang. We feel he brings a certain innocence and high school charm to the list. He's got soft, tender lips and we can only imagine his feathery touch. Throw in the fact that he's a gentleman with a sense of humor, and you've got a sexy little man/boy cupcake to enjoy.
9. Tom Selleck
The only surprise here is that he's only #9 on our list. If this is any year in the 80's or early 90's, you're looking at numero uno. The fact that he still makes the list at the age of 66 is a tribute to his eternal sexiness. In fact, he may just be the sexiest man of the 20th century. No small feat considering stiff competition from Paul Newman and Robert Redford.
8. Greek Shipping Heir
Niarchos, Latsis, Onassis, it don't matter none which one. Anyone of these Greek gods can lotion me up on the deck of their yacht. A Greek tea bag is a small price to pay to travel the world in style.
7. Sam Worthington
Obvious selection here. This awesome Aussie is on top of Hollywood and we wanna be on top of him. The "Avatar" and "Terminator" star looks to be a mainstay on the Boat's top ten bang list for years to come.
6. Mick Jagger
Oh yeah, Mick Jagger, the sexiest man in the history of the world. This positively bangin' 67 year old Brit has still got it. If anyone could get a man pregnant it would be the Rolling Stones front man. We'd like to see him try. C'mon Mick. We want your baby.
5. Prince Harry
If there's one thing we love on The Boat, it's royalty. You're probably wondering why Harry and not older brother William? We love the black sheep ginger with his crazy antics. This guy had the balls to dress up as a nazi. This guy likes to party. We wanna turn Buckingham Palace into Fuckingham Palace.
4. Daniel Day-Lewis
The one and only DDL. The world's greatest thespian looks like the kind of take-charge stud we're looking for. We want some of his milkshake if you know what I mean.
3. Sam Rockwell
The real surprise of the list, coming in at #3, is the indie superstar Sam Rockwell. I bet this wild card does Rock-Well. Boomtown! We love him high on the list, because we have no idea what to expect from this wild card. He could rock our world then tell us to scram. If you're looking for a good ravaging, Sam is your man. If you're looking for brunch and cuddling, try again.
2. Tom Brady
We know what your thinking. Number #2?!? How could you guys put the most handsome quarterback in NFL history at #2? Look below.
1. President Obama
We thought it only fair to put the leader of the free world as the #1 man we'd want to bone. Our Commander-in-Chief is definitely packing heat. You don't get to be the President of the United States without a serious set of balls and cock. Congratulations Mr. President. You're the #1 dude we wanna fuck.