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Published May 04, 2009
As I was walking into work this morning reveling in a beautiful Spring morning in good ole Florida, I was reminded that even Spring has a dark, ugly side.  I turned a corner and was confronted with 2 very large bowls of room temperature banana pudding fighting over a Hershey's Kiss. 
It looked like this...only yellow and with a brown stain...


Now, I'm not trying to be mean here. (yes, i am)  I'm just looking out for you. (by you, i mean me)  Do you really want to go out in public looking like that?  Do you really want to have to hear the people behind you involuntarily gagging on their breakfast or whispering to each other "Holy shit, look at that ass?"  No, of course you don't.  What's worse is we both know you have trouble containing your bowels at that size.  You can't squeeze your ass cheeks if your ass cheeks are made of twinkie filling.  You can't do a shart test before you let out a ferocious fart.  You just have to let her rip and hope for the best.  Spandex is not the way to go.  The mumu is for you.  Hell, even skinny people look stupid in spandex.  There are very few people who should be wearing spandex in public.  Here's a simple rule.  If anyone has ever given you a house or Italian sportscar, then you can probably pull of the spandex look.  As far as the rest of us, this is the inevitable result...

Sacha - man of the people

Jessica - is way hotter than you
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