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October 07, 2010

Jose said he should be brought on as a consultant. Yes, he's crazy. But he may actually be on to something.

Everyone's favorite blowhard, Jose Canseco, is making headlines again. He recently tweeted:

It'd be easy to write off Mr. Canseco and argue that not only has he proven himself to be a bit of a wildcard (wrestling 60 year-old men may tarnish your credibility), but point out that the Kenny Powers character more likely resembles players like John Rocker and Mitch Williams. But if you look at the facts, you can sort of see his logic. He might in fact be the inspiration for "easr bound and out." 

Okay, probably not. But let's look anyway.

Steroid Use
The obvious connection. At this point, Canseco has spent more time as the poster boy for steroids than he did smacking dingers in the bigs. This is now his glamorous legacy. You know what led to the demise of Kenny Powers' career? Bitches. But also steroids. 

They are Each the Epitome of Manhood
As we know, Kenny Powers is the alpha male for all alpha males. And if the following tweets from Jose are any indication, he is, too: 



Comeback Attempts Through Independent Leagues
Season 2 of "Eastbound and Down" has kicked off with Kenny's comeback attempt in Mexico. While ahem, Jose, never actually crossed the border to catch on with a team, he's attempted to get the attention of the Majors by playing in prestigious independent leagues such as "The Atlantic League of Professional Baseball," "The Golden League," and the "United Baseball League." He's also been known to dominate in his local slow pitch softball league, feasting on retired old men like they're batting practice pitchers. 


As you can see, he's a also master of punctuation. Speaking of which...

Prominent Authors
Kenny Powers wrote (and spoke) "You're Fucking Out, I'm Fucking In." Post-baseball career, Jose has also become quite the wordsmith, penning the best-selling novella "Juiced." No word on whether it will be turned into an audiobook. 

Played for a Shit Load of Teams 
Given what we know of Canseco, it's not shocking that the guy wore out his welcome relatively quickly, and consequently played for pretty much every American league team: A's, Rangers, Red Sox, Blue Jays, Devil Rays, Angels, Yankees, and White Sox. 

Kenny Powers' resume: Atlanta, Seattle, New York, San Francisco, Baltimore, Boston. 

Loyal Flunky? 
Kenny's got Stevie, who would do anything for his idol. Did Jose have an equivalent? We're not sure. But for the sake of this argument, we'll say it was Mike Gallego, the diminutive second basement from Oakland's championship years.  

The Verdict
Okay, fiiiiine. It's all a bit of a stretch. Among other reasons, the most important piece of evidence against Canseco being inspiration is the following:

He was not a foul-mouthed relief pitcher.

Right. Totally true. Oh, wait... What's this stat from the 1993 season?


Yeah. Thought so. We're with you, Jose.