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Published October 19, 2010 More Info »
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Published October 19, 2010
"Wrrrooowrowruffruffruff!" The screams from the operating table were not the bellows of man,nor were they the shrieks of a woman or the cries of a child. Across from the frying electrical shockwaves of the supercharged electroscillator could be heard  the howling yowl of a beast that was neither dog nor cat, but a monstrous combination of the two! This was the creation of Dr. Preposterous, a fiendish madman whose ideas of science went beyond the scope of the sane and into a primordial world that neither man nor animal should dare enter without caution and perhaps a pair of safety goggles. For Dr. Preposterous had a felicanine strapped to his table. Using the bodies he had stolen form the local pet cemetery, the doctor had made a new species with the snout of a bloodhound,  the teeth of a doberman pinscher, the ears, mouth, and hind legs of various dogs; the eyes, claws, and front legs of many feline species; body parts and organs from a large variety of dogs, cats, and the occasional gerbil; and two tails! One for wagging, one for wile.This sort of experimentation would not have sat well with Preposterous' old professor at the Wollstonecraft School of Creative Veterinary Surgery, Dr. J. Fenwyck Gallbladder. Dr. Gallbladder famously intoned at his speech at the 1947  Mad Veterinarians Convention: "Science! Science! Science! What is science? I can tell you what it is not! It is not tiddly-winks, you pacifier sucking, biological infants! God does his magic and man has to settle for science! It may not be a mountian or an ocean, but a heart transplant beats the bejeezus out of pulling a fluffy-eared rodent out of a cheap cigar store top hat! Why, just last week, I was able to transplant the tail of a Great Dane onto the assbone of a chihuahua! That is progress, my students! Think of it! Next we could transplant the paw of a poodle onto a beagle! The ears of a schnauzer onto a shih tzu! There are a world of possibilities! But, remember, my colleagues, to never transplant between species! You should never, for example, transplant the tail of a dog onto a cat! ""THAT'S GOD'S OPERATION!THAT'S GOD'S OPERATION! THAT'S GOD'S OPERATION!god's operationgod's operationgod's operation............................................................................................"