Okay it’s time to recognize outstanding achievement in Youtube films produced by MemoryTag Greeting Cards that manage to leave you wondering about the sanity of the producer—the first annual “MemoryTag Film Noir Awards” and no dummy, that doesn’t mean films in which no word with the letter R is spoken.
“Film Noir” means a film marked with a dark mood of cynicism, pessimism, fatalism and menace—in other words, a mood much like that of the American voter.
This year’s winner in the category “Best Use of a Hot Dog Weiner to Portray a Phallic Symbol” goes to the Youtube film “Beware of Greeting Card Alley” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GYvTLEEdWY.
In this entry Bey, our hot redhead who has achieved a tawdry renown as sort of the Meryl Streep of MemoryTag Youtube films for her screaming, hand-wringing and doll punching (in another video) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEyllR2djE4, searches for one of the meaningless, overpriced greeting cards one finds in the grocery store, only to be greeted back by a lecherous wet tongue, and a hot dog raised up suggestively to portray a………?
A hot dog as a male organ?
All we can say is, “What’s up with that?”
And who’s the creepy guy who comes in at the end and says, “You never known what evil lurks in greeting card alley?” I think he may be the illegitimate son of Vincent Price.
Be warned this film is rated R, “Really Reeking of Ram Rod” action.
Which doesn’t beg the question…..
Why do we humans have two of everything except for the sexual organ? Men have one thing with two balls underneath, why two balls, what are the balls for and are they really needed? (See my film “Why Testicles).“
And women, they have their (sexual) thing, but it’s so different looking. Why is that? What did God have in mind?
Everything else both men and women, we mostly have two things, two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, two legs. Two knees, two shoulders,two hands, two feet….the Good Lord had two on the brain….two of each animal in Noah’s Ark. Did God feel that one (nostril) wasn’t enough?
Of course there are exceptions. All of us have only one rectal orifice, what was the reasoning there, to keep everything coming and going out in just one place? Who knows? Most of us have five fingers and toes, but that was obviously just fringe decoration.
This ties in with our next award given for the film “Crust Free Greeting Cards” in the “Most Disgusting Portrayal of Bodily Probing and Excretions” category https://www.youtube.com/user/memorytag.
In this film a guy scratches his anal region and picks his nose and spits up on the inside of a greeting card at the store and then puts the card back on the rack. Poor redhead Bey (Bey has made more films than Brad Pitt this year) comes along and picks up the same card and opens it and sees the recently spent spit. The message here is that MemoryTag cards can be delivered right to your door without being previously handled and excrementally expectoratingly soiled by someone.
This film, unparalleled for its gross depiction of sadistic self-gratification and brainless selfish narcissism, will no doubt become a classic, and will be screened at film festivals held across the country to celebrate the utter pointlessness of life.
Next, the award in the “Whatever Can Go Wrong Will Murphy’s Law” category is won by the film “Be Careful What You Wish For,” in which a well-meaning dweeb tries to give his daughter a cat for her birthday only to be attacked by a shark and burned with a laser https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETuOZVsGW5E. The subconscious symbolism of this film reached new heights, depicting that all your dreams of glory only result in disaster, and that no sense makes sense—-is profound.
Three special awards are presented here, one for the “Best Special Effects Depicting a Shark Fin on an Extremely Limited Budget,” best “Wooden Acting which is the Real Way Most People Talk,” and the precious little girl who wins for the “Evil Portrayal of Sweetness Masquerading Armageddon” Award.
An additional award is presented for most “Convincing Looking Fake Bleeding Using Crayon.”
Congratulations to the winners. The next awards to be held will likely be the “I’ll Make You Sorry You Were Ever Born Awards,” for the best films that portray using a greeting card to get revenge on a tyrannical boss at work.
MemoryTag is the greeting card company with video capability that allows you to personalize your greetings in a way no average card can https://memorytag.cards/.