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August 26, 2008


I turned on my tv the other day flipped around for awhile, and landed on good ol' MTV.

I was to be highly disturbed in the next few minutes.

No, this is not another Andy Rooney rant about there not being music on MTV. I personally don't give a shit if they play videos or not.

And no, this is not a bash about reality tv. To tell you the truth, I LOVE REALITY TV.

There. I said it.

I Love New York? You bet your ass I do.

Rock of Love? Bret Michaels continues to rock my world.

A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila? How could I not love a small alien woman with no soul?

The Hills? Fuckin right. Spencer, Heidi, Lauren, they can move in next door for all I care.

I know it is mindless and stupid television. That is precisely why I watch it. I sit perched on the edge of my couch and scream at the motherfuckers. I enjoy this very much. My living room is my own personal " The Soup", and I am my own personal Joel McHale. Maybe it makes me feel superior, maybe I am resentful about the fact that these people make more money than I do. I don't know, I just know that I can't seem to find better entertainment.

No my friends. What disturbed me was far more sinister.

Where I live MTV, VH1, and BET are clumped together.

I started from the top, VH1.

The show they were playing is called "Who wants to work for Diddy". You know, Sean Combs. I personally refuse to call a grown man "P Diddy", especially when he gave himself this nickname (No I did not give myself the name skinnymatt, some creative co-workers of mine did because I am both skinny and named Matt). I do not and would not want to work for Mr. Combs, and the thought of watching a show about this absolutely revolts me.

Next, MTV.

I do not know the name, but Mr. Combs had another show about a bunch of people who want to be in one of Sean Combs bands (on at the exact same time as his show on VH1). After my horrible experience a moment ago, Mr. Combs was about the last face I wanted to see on my television. Rarely have I seen a man more in love with himself than Sean Combs. I am unsure as to what exactly his talent is, apart from making heaps of money, but I can assure you that I do not think as highly of him as he does.

On to BET.

This is a channel I normally do not watch, but it is on the way to CourtTV and the discovery channel. Who just happened to be on? I am not making this up: Sean Combs. Ciroq vodka commercial.  

If I am going to Hell when I die, Satan will have "All Diddy TV" playing in my cell (and no FOD).

Mr. Combs, you have plenty of money. Please stay the fuck off my tv.

I swear to Christ if this scenario ever plays itself out again I'm gonna throw that tv right out the fuckin window.

Oh, and I know this is unrelated, but the Jonas brothers can kiss my motherfuckin ass, too.