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Published August 08, 2011 More Info »
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Published August 08, 2011

I'm getting married in December so it seems appropriate that I write something about divorce.  I'm a comic and she's an engineer so I better start working on the divorce material early.  I'm 24 and getting married for the first time so statistically the odds are against me already.  50% of first time marriages end in divorce and add to the fact that I'm immature and my life goals involve acting like a fool for money so it's really stacking up against me.  I don't want or plan on getting a divorce, but I don't think anyone actually plans on that.  It just happens.  Sometimes more naturally for some than others, but it happens.  I lived through watching my parents get a divorce and then witnessed my parents do it again afterwards.  I understand the point of divorce, it makes sense and everyone gets something out of it.  The woman gets away from the man, the man gets away from the woman, and the kids get therapy.  It works out for everyone.

When my parents got divorced I was in 6th grade and I was sort of the odd kid out as most of the other parents were still together.  I got picked on and ribbed about it, but now the kid with the parents that are together will be the kid getting picked on.  That will be the new norm.  "Oh, your parents are still together? 20 years? Fuck yourself."  "Who invited this fag?  Don't you know his parents are still together?  My dad has been divorced 6 times, what has your dad done? Oh that's right, the same woman."  Kids will be begging their parents to split.  "But mom, all the other kids have 2 christmas's."

I support marriage and the idea behind it.  I support all types of marriage whether it's straight, gay, or if a guy wants to marry his cat.  It's funny to me that so many straight people are so anti gay marriage who have been divorced more than once.  How can you defend something that you can't even get right?  "Gay people don't know what marriage is.  It can't work between 2 men or 2 women.  I've been married 5 times so I know marriage is all about."  Really?  Just because you're bad at something doesn't make you expert.  I played the flute for one year and I did it badly, but according to their logic, I'm now an expert and have the right to decide who can and who can't play the flute.  If marriage is just for these assholes like they always claim, then maybe marriage isn't worth it.  People argue that gay marriage will ruin marriage.  I partially agree, but for a different reason.  Gay people will take it, make it better, and show us how we've been doing it wrong.  I always love hearing anti-gay people say they will be willing to do anything to put an end to gay marriage.  Then stop fucking.  Gay people are manufactured by straight people.  You want to end homosexuality, then stop having sex.  Oh, you're not really that dedicated?  Didn't think so.  During my

marriage counseling with the priest, he went on a tangent about gay marriage being wrong and blah, blah, blah.  He's got his religious reasons for saying that, but coming from someone who can't even get married, I'll take it with a grain of salt.  Maybe he's just mad that gay people are getting married, and he can't even jerk off.  I'd be a little pissed too.

 

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