So apparently there’s some white guy and some black guy running for king of America or something. I know it’s happening because…
1. Crazy Uncle Eddie is Yelling At the Television More Than Usual.
2. Obnoxiously Useless Graphics on CNN.
3. Smelly People in Front of Wholefoods are Telling Me to Vote Yes on Marijuana.
4. Crazies Warning that the End of Days is Upon Us.
5. Ann Coulter’s Calling People Retards Again.
6. Rush Limbaugh‘s looking Extra Fat and Red.
7. Facebook Posts of News Articles That Defy All Sense