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Published March 13, 2009
Last Thursday night I volunteered for the Army. I learned to never do that again! Let me explain: I met a local dj. and he mentioned that he needed a white female performer to entertain the enlistees at an on base club, so I said sure, keep an open  mind right.
When I arrived no one bothered to tell me where to put my belongings, you know the stuff that all women tend to shlep around.The dj. didn't even bother to tell me that there was no backstage entry and that one simply walks up the two stairs and presto a star may be born. Uncaring to a fault the dj. did want to know what I was doing in the back, naturally I said the dishes.
I had an 11 minute monologue planned that I threw by the wayside after 4 minutes reasoning that if you cannot even say goodevening without inter ruption perhaps the only thing I could have done worse to these attention span deficient  beings was pass around Walden Pond by Henry Thoreau and ask that each audience member take turns reading a paragraph followed gleefully by an interpretation there of.
I would say that these people behaved like barn animals but I hate to say unkind things about animals that cannot defend themselves.
I am sure had my routine opened with a four letter word, a derogatory remark about my own kind, and chased it with a little t&a,splashed with a hint of too cheap high heels  and an outfit too small perhaps things would have gone differently. However, I was in dereliction of duty to be where I was in the first place. Art and Guns Do Not Mix! "Come on people, now smile on your brother(sister), everybody get together try to love one another right now," yahda,yahda, yahda..."
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