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February 21, 2018

Is your grandma *actually* your grandma? Or is is actually CSI: Miami's Horatio Caine? This quick guide should help you find out.

Six Ways to Tell if Your Grandmother is Actually Police Lieutenant Horatio Caine from CSI: Miami

Nowadays, we all love to poke fun at Little Red Riding Hood for being both naïve and entirely unobservant. How in sweet, fiery hell does that little girl not realize that she is holding a conversation with a conniving,flesh-hungry wolf in a nightgown instead of her actual grandmother? We make these comments in jest, without entertaining the idea that this easily could’ve been any of us. After all, somewhere along the line, we’ve all been negligent about something, right?

Because of a lifetime of exposure to this old cautionary tale of grandma-or-wolf, we’re all well-conditioned on how to respond in this specific situation—but what if the situation was just a liiiiittle bit different? What if your grandmother was actually CSI: Miami’s Horatio Caine wearing a nightgown? To save you from potential embarrassment, here’s a few ways to see if that’s the case.

1. Does your grandma ever wear sunglasses,especially when there is no need for sunglasses?

- That’s probably not your grandma

2. Does she speak sardonically when watching investigative stories on the news?

- I might have some bad news for you…

3. When you ask her how she’s been doing, does she respond with “it was a tough day down at the station?”

- Yikes. Red flag.

4. Has she ever expressed any interest in moving to Miami to solve crimes?

- Listen, that might not be your grandma

5. Does your grandma have kind of a MacGyver-esque attitude regarding pending explosions?

- For her own sake, I sincerely hope that’s not your grandma

6. Does you ever catch her staring off into the distance, with the eyes of someone who has avenged the death of an immediate family member?

- That might be your grandma, but I doubt it