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Published: January 17, 2009
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CONFESSION #5: Fat Bastards are stuck in the 80s. They are love-struck dogs hopelessly obsessed with donning Ray Ban’s and watching “Risky Business” in their white boxers. This warped obsession occurs when the parents have left for the evening and they have nothing better to do but raid the refrigerator and piss on momma’s brand-new carpet.

And, Fat Bastards’ dreams are always the same. Instead of going home, they dream of sneaking to their neighbors’. They ring the doorbell, but nobody answers. The door opens. The shower is running, so they wobble upstairs to check things out. Then, they will see the bitch.

So passionate with the ‘Love on a Real Train’ scene, Fat Bastards actually refer to themselves as ‘Joel’ and fantasize about Rebecca De Mornay, Porches and Guido the Killer Pimp. Why? Cuz, Fat Bastards rule!


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