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June 14, 2011

Disease Named and discovered by David Growney...definition by Myself (Andrew Rodgers) with David's approval

Assholepsy: The Not-So-Silent Malady

Assholepsy is a disease which effects it's victims I.Q. Points. It is contracted during the childhood years; and though it's symptoms usually fade from the victim as they get older, it is never completely in remission.

Assholepsy usually effects 1 out of every 1 male between the ages of 2 and 99 but has been known to be found in females as well. The victim suffers from a debilitating seizure which causes hardening of the cranial wall and thickening of the protective fluid in which the brain floats thereby causing the victim to suddenly (and sometimes permanently) lose anywhere from 1/2 to 3/4 of their I.Q. points.This may cause the following symptoms

1) The thought processes re-route themselves to the smaller head below the waist.( males only)

2) The victim may argue irrationally about subjects they have no knowledge of and continue to do so even when they are proven wrong.

3) Blank expressions when being given the simplest of directions,or tasks.

4) Complete and total loss of common sense.

5) Generally annoying behavior.

6) Emotional irrationality, followed by crying and repeated use of the phrase " I love you man!"

7) Stumbling and slurred speech.

8) Inflated sense of limitations and feelings of invincibility.

While the victim is in any one of these states it is not usually treatable though some feel a swift kick to the groin can be helpful for a short period of time.

Some residual side effects,however; may include but not be limited to black eyes,tooth loss,facial bruising and bleeding,and in some rare cases broken jaws and noses and appearances on episodes of Cops.The cause for these side effects is mostly from those who do not know about the disease and take the assholeptic seizures personally.

Assholepsy can be triggered by a number of factors including Inbreeding,Insomnia, and stress, but mostly is triggered by consumption of large quantities of alchoholic beverages and ,or street phamaceuticals.

Assholeptics do not usually speak about their malady and that is why the disease is relatively unknown throughout the medical community.

If you know someone who has this disease please seek professional help as soon as possible.