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September 24, 2013

Hitting on girls isn't what it used to be.

Men this day in age have it hard when it comes to the chase.  They have learned outdated or down right wrong ways to hit on women from pop culture or from our predecessors.  Times have changed from Mad Men when all you needed was a suit and a scotch in your hand.

“Can I buy you a drink?’ – This once almost safe and harmless question, can now be seen as a sexist, ill-intentioned offer.  Sure we have fun looking down and waving through the glass ceiling, but even when we’re not trying, we can still get the accusation thrown at us with this question.  Answers heard are along the lines of, “excuse me I can provide for myself, I don’t need your unfairly ratio-ed pay for my own drink!” 

The other risk of this way of breaking the ice can also be answered with,  “Why so you can put something in my drink?” Somewhere along the way from placing the order and the bartender placing in front of the girl or in this case “possible victim” we have orchestrated a plan and “understanding” with said bartender to do something downright awful and illegal, or an “unfair advantage”.  This could be from watching too man Law and Order: SVU episodes, but for some reason they have Det. Fin Tutuola in their head saying, “I wouldn’t touch that one.”

Okay now we’ve seen why not to do that, so I won’t offer to buy a drink for a woman at a bar. ERRRR! On the off chance she’s not one of the types we mentioned above, then you’ll fail in this setting as well.  In this economy and high unemployment, if you don’t go to buy a girl a drink right away, you’re immediately unemployed and not worth it at this moment during a recession.  Don’t think that PR girl won’t tweet about her latest unemployed loser hitting on her #GetAJob. Don’t become another hashtag.

Now the recent, character the female population has fawned over is from the series How I Met Your Mother.  No not Barney Stinson, hopefully you know that won’t work that often.  We’re talking Ted Mosby.  Ted’s the hopeless romantic who can’t seem to find the right girl in his fictional world, but who every girl wants to be with in the real one.  There’s only one problem with that, going off into an amazing heart felt monologue to a girl in a bar who you don’t know, who won’t end up in a kiss or a date, but a blank stare and a 911 call.  The idea of breaking the rules or stopping the regular only upset the rule-makers (women).  The formula of stating the obvious and making a generalization, ending up into a made up situation, even if perfectly done is creepier than anything else.

Let’s set it up:

Guy:             Excuse me, I don’t mean to bother you, but I haven’t been able to look away from you tonight and I can try to come up with the perfect thing to say, but the fact is I’m just a guy who’s looking for a girl just like you and why should we bother doing this crazy dance and just allow one and another to possibly start what could be an incredible relationship. So why keep this amazing possibility from both of us? So what do you say?

Girl:             …Uh who the hell are you?

Guy:             Just a guy?

Girl:             HELP!

            As we see there are so many wrongs that once were right. This is a warning before we repeat our mistakes.  We want to succeed not only for ourselves, but like what we learned in Miracle, “Why do we do this? Isn’t it obvious, for the girls.”