5. That food tastes like crap –
I don’t care how many times you tell me how delicate yet rich
they taste, rocky mountain oysters aren’t for me.
4. No one speaks my
I bet it’s really easy to find a local guide to a city that
speaks your language when you have producers scouting it out for you months in
advance. Me? I’m lost in a town square eating fried ants because I can’t
pronounce the word for “chicken”.
3. The roads are
Please, just once, show me a TV host trying to drive
themselves through the Alps late at night like a real traveler. You can’t. Because no TV host would
allow himself to be shown weeping on television.
2. There is a middle
The travel host isn’t at the most exclusive restaurant in the
country? Oh, they’re in a slum.
Not in a slum? Must be on a yacht!
No yacht? Refugee camp it is then!
1. Food poisoning is
Take one bite of a farm-grown Kenyan guava and let me know how it
goes. Oh wait, I remember how it goes. It goes to the hospital for 3 days for
an IV drip and “The Game Plan” in Swahili on repeat.