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5. That food tastes like crap – 
I don’t care how many times you tell me how delicate yet rich they taste, rocky mountain oysters aren’t for me.

4. No one speaks my language – 
I bet it’s really easy to find a local guide to a city that speaks your language when you have producers scouting it out for you months in advance. Me? I’m lost in a town square eating fried ants because I can’t pronounce the word for “chicken”.

3. The roads are terrifying – 
Please, just once, show me a TV host trying to drive themselves through the Alps late at night like a real traveler.  You can’t. Because no TV host would allow himself to be shown weeping on television.

2. There is a middle class – 
The travel host isn’t at the most exclusive restaurant in the country? Oh, they’re in a slum.  Not in a slum? Must be on a yacht!  No yacht? Refugee camp it is then!

1. Food poisoning is real
Take one bite of a farm-grown Kenyan guava and let me know how it goes. Oh wait, I remember how it goes. It goes to the hospital for 3 days for an IV drip and “The Game Plan” in Swahili on repeat.
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