What a night for the women of Saturday Night Live! As a former attendee of ~3 journalism classes in college, I try not to get too personal in my articles as I know that it’s not in the interest of objectivity, and naturally it is imperative that I select the Highlights of this television program with no bias whatsoever. However, I also believe my readers would appreciate knowing all the facts about my frame of mind as I proceed with said selection — and the truth is that I just went to my 96-year-old grandma’s funeral yesterday and today I’m thinking a lot about really cool ladies, because she was a really cool Irish lady. She was a telephonist in the ‘30s and lived on her own for like fourteen years before she got married which was CRAZY back then, especially in Catholic Ireland! Anyway, I think Ariana Grande and the rest of the ladies of the SNL cast would have made Nana proud last night, scandal or no scandal.

“I want to thank everyone who voted for me, and apologize to everyone else for making your Facebook feeds so, so annoying.”

I’ll start with the cold open, which didn’t feature any women — but Larry David playing Bernie Sanders and Jay Pharaoh’s creepy Ben Carson are two things I am always here for. (But I’m also completely fine with Ben Carson never being in the news again. That’s more important to me. Please let Ben Carson never be in the news again.) Darrell Hammond’s Trump portrayal has gotten increasingly racist and disturbing — more accurate than the benign, delusional-celebrity impression he’d been previously leaning toward. So, that’s … I don’t know. It’s good. But I’m not sure if SNL can ever hit Trump hard because they let him host the show, so it might be a pointless undertaking. If you think so, Larry David aka Bernie aka “Mister Wonderful, Mister Presidential Candidate” starts at 2:15.

“A blobfish has two mouths. One for breathing and one for food absorption. The human male should kiss the food mouth, which consists of the whole face and front ass.”

In the top sketch of the night, Ariana Grande and Cecily Strong play beautiful sailor-rescuing mermaids … alongside a less traditional 35% woman, 65% blobfish-mermaid named Shud, played by national treasure Kate McKinnon. While the other two mermaids explain in dulcet tones that the three sailors must kiss all three mermaids in order to turn them into women, the chilled-out, mouthbreathing Shud reveals some inelegant facts about blobfish. “Oh, hey man. So, mating-wise, usually a male attaches to my body and I absorb his gonads. And then his body fuses to my sheen. But we’ll figure somethin’ out.”

“But this is pretty nuanced stuff, and putting it all in one song was tough”

The women of SNL keep churning out excellent music videos, and here’s yet another hit to add to their oeuvre. “This Is Not A Feminist Song” ends up, as the women eventually realize, being a pretty feminist song — particularly during an anxious verse after a close-up of an old woman’s hands because that doesn’t mean they are judging the woman for her age — and also, as Leslie Jones points out, “a woman shouldn’t be reduced to just her hands.”