Everything You Need To Know About Bacon
What is the picture of?
B) The greatest food item of all time
C) Pornography for the overweight
Yes, this is a trick question. The answer is all of the above. Bacon is the greatest food item of all time and is responsible for approximately 99 percent of all of the good in the world. If you don’t bacon, then you are a fascist. The fact that there isn’t a religion devoted to bacon’s crispy greatness is one of the world’s greatest tragedies. Sadly, people are very undereducated about bacon.
You can thank me later about giving you these little-known bacon facts.
Bacon Fact 1: The cure to cancer is bad bacon. Too bad it never is.
Bacon Fact 2: Kim Kardashian would be much more famous if her sex tape was with bacon.
Bacon Fact 3: Imagine if Kevin Bacon were President. Then we would have President Bacon. All would be good with the world.
Bacon Fact 4: Superman’s weakness is Kryptonite. Everyone else’s weakness is bacon.
Bacon Fact 5: If Akon’s name was Bakon, he would have won at least 10 Grammies by now.
Bacon Fact 6: It’s rarely enforced but disliking bacon is grounds for being charged for treason in the United States.
Bacon Fact 7: I gained two pounds by writing this article.
Bacon Fact 8: The song “Sex and Candy” by Marcy Playground was originally titles “Sex and Bacon,” The name had to be changed because music executives thought the song was too erotic for the public to handle.
Bacon Fact 9: The Chris Paul to the Lakers trade would have gone through if the Lakers would have offered bacon to the Hornets.
Bacon Fact 10: Many people seek forgiveness from God. God seeks forgiveness from bacon.
Bacon Fact 11: Ninety-seven percent of serial killers are neutral towards bacon.
Bacon Fact 12: Unsurprisingly, the song “Miracles” by Insane Clown Posse was composed after ICP consumed large amounts of bacon. Bacon is the one true miracle.
Bacon Fact 13: Stupid questions do exist. The main one being “Do you like Bacon?”
Bacon Fact 14: At midnight in front of a mirror, close your eyes and say “Bacon” three times. When you open your eyes, you will see yourself smiling….even if you aren’t.
Bacon Fact 15: God, I love Bacon.