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December 07, 2015

Not that we encourage it, but if you want to, here's how.

2017 will be the year of the rooster, but if you’re living in Finland it’ll be the year of the boo$ter, baby! A bill has been proposed that would give every citizen, rich or poor, €800 a month. That roughly converts to $870 a month, U.S. The stipend would replace all other social services like welfare, unemployment, and social security. It also hopes to clear up some of the pesky red tape surrounding those services, which ultimately prevents a lot of citizens from taking full advantage of them.

While risky, this program is expected to help unemployment rates and the economy of Finland as a whole. That’s great. But if you’re feeling like a real asshole, here are ways to blow that money and completely counteract the purpose of the program!



Whoa, what a beautiful Finnish troll doll you can now afford. Why not buy 10 of them, which comes to a hot $100? Don’t show up to a feast without one of these housewarming gifts that’ll freak the fuck out of your host!



Dang! You got that $770 left to blow after your troll doll heist, why not pack up for the weekend, leave the comfort of your home, and live in a chilly AF igloo? Seems like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and will for sure be a weekend of stunning Insta pics and THAT is priceless. This will eat up about $500 for two nights.



Mmm mmm! You’ve gotta go ham on some Finnish pea soup with that guap ya got. You’ll probably want this dish a few times a month, so let’s say you’re throwing $40 at this bad boy. Slurp slurp, motherfuckers.

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With all this free cash, you’ve got to be a proud Finn. So why not support a prominent Finnish designer, Marimekko, and buy a $50 piece of fabric. You’ll figure out what to do with it. You’re crafty.

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You also now have $180 left to blow and honestly the only reasonable thing to do is pour all that money into training for the wife-carrying championship. That’s a real thing they do in Finland and if the government is paying you not to work, you might as well dedicate all your time to winning this pointless competition.