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Additional Credits:
Dylan Rhymer’s live stand-up comedy special
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Published September 02, 2012


(WASHINGTON)- Kansas Gov. Sam Blueback [R] indicated he is likely to sign the state’s sweeping anti-abortion bill which criminalizes abortion in all cases except if his daughter Agnes is knocked up by her black boyfriend Dennis.

Blueback, speaking to reporters on Friday; “I am pro-life. That means I defend the rights of the unborn from the moment of conception unless it is in the uterus of my 19-year-old daughter Agnes who is clearly dating that… urban-looking kid she’s hung up on at the moment just to get back at me for something. That’s what happens when she goes to University and mixes with that bunch.”

 The bill, which is scheduled to be discussed by a legislative committee, contains the most sweeping anti-abortion provisions since the state passed 1998’s controversial “Do Over” bill which banned abortions in all cases except when married politicians get their secretaries pregnant.

 “The Bible is very clear when it comes to defending the rights of the unborn from being born half-black in my family.” continued Blueback “And besides, no kid should have to grow up in an orphanage.”

Dylan Rhymer’s live stand-up comedy special