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May 13, 2011
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Chuck got punk'd


Ashton Kutcher signed a deal last night to replace Charlie Sheen on television's top-rated sitcom.

I don’t think Chuck is taking the news too well. He was so depressed he only got a midget hooker and a warlock lunch box full of blow. I think Ashton better watch his back. And I don’t even mean from his Dad Bruce Willis.

 

Dugan Smith wasn't going to let a little thing like bone cancer stop him from playing baseball. So when doctors told him they would have to reattach his leg backwards in order to allow it to keep growing, he said yes.

This is great for Dugan but he keeps stealing home plate. From the dugout!

 

Matthew Maldanado's parents were told he'd be big — but even their doctor was stunned when he weighed 14 lbs.

I know guys think they’re tough but if you want an analog for this fellas, try passing a beach ball filled with quarters next time you urinate. Serious question: when is the next time this woman can have sex? Serious question: will her husband need penis enlargement a la ex Dallas Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson?

Rapper Common is under fire for some of his lyrics. I think we should give "artists" like Common artistic license here. Because when Queen Latifah makes you look like a bad actor, you should be able to rap about anything you want.

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