IUPD Also Takes Off Labor Day, Chaos Ensues
Written by: Morgan Burris
You may have noticed the multiple fires at Memorial Stadium or the Purdue-centric graffiti littering the once-pristine Wells Library.Though no one can place definite blame for this unprecedented wave of crime, it is clear that it certainly isn’t helped by the IUPD barbeque taking place over in People’s Park today.
The entire IUPD has taken Labor Day off and is currently involved in “The Ultimate Game of Cornhole”.
When asked to comment IUPD executive officer, David Mortimer said “I think Johnson’s gonna take the cornhole game tonight, but mostly the gang is just thrilled that his wife made her world famous cupcakes!”
When asked to comment more specifically on the crime-ridden campus around him, Mortimer said “It’s Labor Day! We’ll deal with it tomorrow when the real world starts again! L-O-L, right boys?!”
If you know the whereabouts of the famed Herman B Wells statue that used to sit on the bench near Sample Gates, please contact IUPD.
Tomorrow. Lol, right guys?