Long-simmering tensions between Bruce Wayne and his butler Alfred boiled over Tuesday after the billionaire playboy claimed to have "never understood a goddamned word [Alfred] has ever said," an inside source reports.

“I kept Alfred after my parents died because my father said he was an endless source of wisdom,” Wayne said. “But it’s like talking to a toothless Eliza Doolittle.”

“One time I was having some trouble with this guy at work,” Wayne continued. “And Alfred tells me this long, unintelligible story that ends with something like, “Summen juslike to wotch da world burn.”

“What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Goddamn Bane is easier to comprehend, and I think he’s talking around a ball gag.”

When contacted about the incident Alfred responded saying, “Broos Wain is da bluddy batmen.” Though it is unclear what was meant by the remark.

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