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January 16, 2010



In an Amazing development it seems there's finally been progress in the ongoing battle between the forces of Good and Evil, Creation and Destruction, the Funny... and the Dead. A hero has stepped forth from the thundering herd of caption competitors to face down the spineless pussies who smear others work with the excrement of their envy, and with one terrifying tirade this champion has dick slapped them back into line like a Marine Corp Drill Sargeant with a titanium hard-on.

Do not mistake restraint for fear...

And who was this HERO, so fearlessly swinging his mighty meat mace in the vapid faces of these rude haters? Why none other than DONAIRS, the Fierce, the Ferocious, the new self appointed and soon to be anointed "Sargeant at Arms" of the FOD Caption Contest. I've taken the liberty of copying his powerful post so that those of you who missed it may experience the joy that only comes from sharing a miracle...

donairs   "Ok, here the deal die bombers. You're A: Hateful little dweebs with too much time on your hands, or B: Deluted, humourless assholes with the hopeless notion that you will somehow win by knocking other people down.
So here's what I'm going to do, every time I see a caption with a funny and bonged down with dies, I'm giving it a funny. It doesn't matter if I think it's funny because somebody else did and they deserve the credit for it. That being said, quit wasting your time."

"Honey, here's something you and your attorney didn't get!"   SPLASH! Right in the face.. BRILLIANT!! Talk about throwing down.. And IT WORKED!!! Die votes are down like, 75 PER CENT! This one PERFECT posting has apparently shot down more Die Bombers than all the Bofers Guns in both World Wars ever did... Again - AMAZING! It's almost like the scene in War Games , when after Matthew Boderick's irresponsible hacking into the NORAD defense computer, WOPR, to "play" Global Thermonuclear War has pushed NORAD to DEFCON IV, and the world to the brink of MAD - "Mutually Assured Destruction". Luckily the AI in WOPR, Joshua, eventually plays Tic-Tac-Toe with Matthew and LEARNS that in certain games, like mudslinging, like civil and religious wars, like Nuclear War, and like Die Bombing... especially DIE BOMBING, regardless of the strategy - "THE ONLY WAY TO WIN IS NOT TO PLAY..." 

Your the Bomb!

It's easy enough to figure out who the Die Bombers are, too. It's way too obvious; you see a page, usually the first page or two stacked with witty, intelligent captions that have received a few Funny votes when suddenly - OH MY GOD - every one of them receives 1 or 2 DIE votes and leaping in front of them all is some LAME, ILL-BRED PATHETIC piece of shit, usually stupid, often pornographic, and ALWAYS BANAL caption posted by someone who's commonly been on FOD for less than a few weeks. And most of the time it's not just one caption! It's FIVE or TEN, OR EVEN TWENTY !!! And then what happens? - VENDETTA!!!  RETALIATION!!! The DIE's fly like bullets and MISSLES and just like WOPR's projections.... EVERYBODY DIES!... and lately - everybody loses. The FOD Team picks a winner they like from down the list, something actually witty, and intelligent, and clean... sometimes it's even ORIGINAL!!! And everybody else, cut, stabbed, and bloody.... has wasted theirs and everyone elses time.

In conclusion, a special note to my new hero, and now - I hope yours as well, DONAIRS.... "DONAIRS MAN!! YOUR THE MAN!!! YOU... YOU ARE MY AMBASSADOR OF QWAN, MAN!!!"  And ... as was heard so may times, in the most famous colosseum in the world - "We, who have received so many dies..., SALUTE YOU!"