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Published November 26, 2008

Its a big wake-up call when reality bites you in the ass.

CHOMP!

 When you are over-the-hill and sliding along the down slope, these bites are about as frequent and ferocious as an attack of a pack of wolves. You suddenly realize that, not only has time passed you by, but that you are living on borrowed time. It seems as if you hit thirty – blink – and youre sixty.

Whoa! Time flies when youre having fun!

Thats why each morning when I wake up, I cheer, Im alive and kickin!; a realization that each day is a blessing and a brief respite from what is inevitable! The cumulative effect of the butt kicks though, cause you to take stock and reinvent yourself, because you need to give yourself a reason to crawl out of bed each morning. Indeed, facing this crazy mixed up world requires I real sense of humor.

Here are three of my truths (Reality Bites) and an explanation of how I have dealt with them.

I WILL NEVER BE WORLD FAMOUS, RENOWNED, RICH OR REVERED!<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

There is, however, plenty of time to become INFAMOUS! Some of the most infamous characters in history got their recognition they day they drew their last breath. Going postal has its merits, but really, Im retired, who am I pissed off at? (The dog: he keeps crapping in the house!)

Pinegrove resident goes postal and offs his dog, Sluggo., the headline might declare.

But, I guess thats not for me!

Id rather enjoy the funny side of life, bug and tease my wife and kids, take Sluggo for a walk, and earn my fame, if not my fortune, within the bounds of family and friends. When I can bring tears of laughter to their eyes, the rewards are better than a vault filled with gold.  Hey, I plan to die laughing!

I WILL NEVER BE A PUBLISHED (FOR PROFIT) AUTHOR!

Oh, how  Ive tried!

Ive written short stories, novels, essays and articles, all of which are consistently rejected by publishers. Ive got enough rejection letters to keep the old outhouse supplied for years! The closest I cam to publication was when one of my childrens books made it to the final editorial meeting and, once again, got torched!

A few years back, I said to my wife,   I guess Ill never be a writer.

She replied with a kick in the pants, by saying, Youre writing every day arent you. Well, then doesnt that make you a writer?

That was a revelation, to be sure. Publication is just validation of your talent, but not necessary your creativity or your bliss. Now I write because I like to write –nothing more, nothing less! I say, Let the juices flow. And away I go.

This past summer we were lucky enough to go on an Alaskan Cruise. I decided to keep a journal and ended up with hundreds of pages of humorous observations. That sucker will never be published, but my kids and grandkids will have it passed alone to them. Now thats just as good as a best seller for me!

Hey, writing this blog is publication in a sense. Applying creativity to FOD, and seeing it revealed in the posts of others, has me peeing my pants at the keyboard every freakin day. What could be better than that?

ILL NEVER WRITE A HIT SONG, SING IN A ROCK BAND, OR BECOME AN ACCOMPLISHED MUSICIAN!

Yes, Ive played the guitar since high school and, not very well I might add. But I can sit here in the office and strum, sing into my Karaoke, accompany myself with My Band in Box program on the computer and feel as if Im struttinthe stage like an AC/DC clone. Who cares if it sounds like the gutting of a chicken or the whining of a lonesome dog.  Im the only audience I have to please, right.

Ewwwwww, baby, baby its a wild world!Da,da,da,da,da,da,da,da!

See what I mean.

But I do have a surprise for my eldest boy, Matt. When we head out to Calgary for his wedding next summer, my daughter Meghan and I are going to put together a comedy/speech accompanied by song that we hope rings the house down. You see, over the years, Matt has given us a lot of material to work with. (Matt, was know as the greatest cow tipper in our county, but more about that in later blogs.)

I think that it will be more fun and far more rewarding than a number one hit, dont you. Who needs Gold Records anyway, Ive got enough crap around here to dust as it is!

So, even though these truths could bring a person down, depress their spirits and cause them to get old before their time – it aint happenin here!

I plan to just sit in the current and go with the flow, take one day at a time, and WIN ONE OF THOSE FOD T-SHIRTS, come hell or high water. Yup, I plan to get my one minute of fame one second at a time and that, my friend, tastes pretty damn good!

 

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