Early this morning a brigade of average, below average, and fugly women advanced toward the Playboy mansion for the third straight day this week. The brigade known as "United Girls and Gals" ,more better known as U.G.G, consist of about 745 women, all with the main goal of demolishing the PlayBoy Mansion.
Playboy bunnies preparing for combat
When I asked United Girls and Gals leader Girtha "Pink Foot" Simples why her group was doing this she told us "Because women world wide are being tormented everyday when they look at the perfect female body stereotype created by Hugh Hefner. So were going to take down Hugh and his base once and for all". I then asked if she was really doing this because she looked like a cross between a blood hound & the Hulk and she immediately drop kicked me in the face. Luckily I still look better than him. . . HER (honestly, I still not quite sure).
I Then went to the Playboy mansion. Due to the conflict, the mansion has been transformed into a 17th century castle which is guarded by knights who constantly call women fat & ugly, and by a moat filled with crocodiles who also call women fat & ugly. I then questioned Mr. Hefner on the situation, he told us "I'm not worried at all about those dudes! I've switched my mansion into bunny attack form 5 and set up so many obstacles than none of them will ever get near the mansion slash Castle slash kick assatorium. They probably won’t even get past the field of beauty care products!". I told him that U.G.G. got through those silly things hours ago. Mr. Hefner then asked if they had gotten through the bunny land mines, which they did. Mr. Hefner then said "well they'll never get pass my women hating knights & crocodiles MWAHAHAHAHA!!!" to which I informed him that the knights & crocodiles fled once they saw the horror that is " average looking ladies" (how did he think me and my team got up there so easily. . .).
Mr. Hefner then got into his personal escape pod (that he was so conveniently standing next to during the entire interview) and disappeared into parts unknown. But he most likely went to the nearest group of girls with daddy issues (more likely than that, he went to a whore house).
With United Gals and Girls victory is so very clear, and me & my crew in a safe enough distance. Then that means the castle should be exploding right. . . about. . .