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May 06, 2010


Those Were Different Times Contest #51

Introducing "Ken by request only" by Ken Snyder


The very special "Trend Setter" Award goes to:

I request that you bury yourself alive head first.


13. His right fist is permanently in that shape from jacking off.

12. The requests are getting Snyder all the time ...

11. Ken is still waiting for that first request.

10. A rare oddity, Ken is the only known Lego man to have matured to an average human height.

9. "Date Rape Barbie" sold separately!

8. When Ken would eat out a girl, he'd set the bed with a full place setting, use the good silver, ya know? He'd make you feel classy while you ran away screaming in terror.

7. Listen and understand. Ken Snyder is out there. He can't be bargained with. He can't be reasoned with. He doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear. And he absolutely will not stop, EVER, until you request a song from him!

6. .5. Ken: Live Inside Red Rock's Stinky Outhouse
6. The 1970s called...  [editificated]
-it just breathed heavily into the receiver
-it warned the 1980s about you

5. Ken once opened for nobody.

4. Ken: The reason mustache ride prices plateaued at 5 cents.

3.5. Hair so real only a mortician would know
3. most of the requests Ken gets are physically impossible

2.75. ... will beat you up at work so you can enjoy some sick-days.
2.5. ... will gently place his nineteen-inch penis on your shoulder.
2. ... will fuck a cantaloupe in front of your wife to prove that you mean business.

1. With an IQ quickly approaching double digits, it won't be long before Ken can fulfill your request of adding fries to your order.