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July 05, 2018
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A collection of the more intriguing moments during Alice B. Toklas's episode of Top Chef.

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE ALICE B. TOKLAS EPISODE OF TOP CHEF [transcript]

PADMA LAKSHMI: Okay,what’s the game plan, lady?

ALICE B. TOKLAS: Peaches. Fresh are preferable, though canned ones can be substituted.

PADMA: These look fresh as summer.

ALICE: Poach in1½ cups of water, then place in a chafing dish, adding ¼ cup of sugar and ¾ cup peach brandy.

PADMA: Sounds delish!

ALICE: When the syrup is about to boil, light and ladle it over the peaches. Serve each peach lighted.

PADMA: Oooooooooh, a flambé! So fun!

ALICE: Dawn comes slowly but dusk is rapid.

PADMA: Ah… oh-kay. She’s making a flambé, everyone.

———

GAIL SIMMONS: Alice, do you subscribe to a general culinary philosophy?

ALICE: In the menu, there should be a climax and a culmination. Come to it gently. One will suffice.

GAIL: What a simple and perfectly risqué take on cuisine design.

ALICE: Almost anything Saint Theresa did, you can do better if you can bear to be ravished by un évanouissement reveillé.

GAIL: Uhm, oui, je ne sais quoi, si vous plais, bon appetit.

———

RICHARD BLAIS: What are you going for when you grill veal? What temperature?

ALICE: Just enough.

RICHARD: It seems undercooked. Look how pink, pink, pink this is!

ALICE: Illness sets the mind free sometimes to roam and surmise.

RICHARD: I still wouldn’t eat this.

———

TOM COLICCHIO: I see that for the Quickfire Challenge you chose to enrobe the duck breasts in a couverture chocolate demi-glaze?

ALICE: Godiva was tired and old and Gertrude Stein in spring bought a new car.

TOM: Ri-ight. And what about—are you lighting a cigarette? I’m afraid you can’t smoke in here, Ms. Toklas.

ALICE: I’m trying to stop trying.

TOM: Well, maybe just trying stopping.

———

PADMA: So,viewers might like to know that you’ve actually written a cookbook?

ALICE: I am a pretty good housekeeper and a pretty good gardener…

PADMA: Oh, do you grow—

ALICE: And a pretty good needlewoman and a pretty good secretary…

PADMA: Uh-huh.

ALICE: And a pretty good vet for dogs and I have to do them all at once…

PADMA: Wow.

ALICE: And I found it difficult to add being a pretty good author.

PADMA: So… youdidwrite a cookbook or you didn’t?

———

TOM: Now, before we taste this fudge, did I notice you slipping something in? It looked like hash.

ALICE: …

TOM: You brought hashish onto the show?

ALICE: …

TOM: Were you going to warn us?

ALICE: …

TOM: Well, what’re we waiting for? Let’s dig in.

ALICE: It is a pleasure to retire before such a fact.

TOM: Come again?

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