Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush announced this morning that on June 15th at Miami Dade Community College he would be making a big announcement. He has even made a website commemorating the announcement, with the straightforward domain www.jebannouncement.com. Everyone is speculating that he will most definitely be announcing his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination. Everyone, that is, except me.
Of course, it’s highly likely that is what he is planning on saying, but, baby it’s 2015 and we just can’t have that narrow of a view anymore. We just celebrated Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair and soccer, arguably the world’s most boring sport, is in the international hot seat.
I say let’s not cut out any possibilities. Here are some things that Jeb Bush could potentially be announcing on June 15th.
Possible Jeb Announcements
- He’s headlining Bonaroo.
- He finally got around to reading the full 9/11 Commission Report and there are some inconsistencies he wants to discuss.
- He’s going off Facebook and doesn’t want to make a huge deal about it but he’s decided he’s wasted too much time on it and can spend that time being more productive. Like, maybe he could actually get a presidential campaign together if he just stopped stalking old high school girlfriends.
- “Jeb” is a stupid, stupid nickname and he wants to go by “Bushboy Numero Dos” now, which is a cool nickname.
- He purchased a big new gun and wants to show everyone.
- Brother George Bush is pulling a Walter Keane on all of “his” paintings and they are actually all done by Laura Bush.
- It’s been many years since Jimi Hendrix’s “Purple Haze” came out, but he is just now realizing the lyrics aren’t “excuse me while I kiss this guy” but rather “excuse me while I kiss the sky.” Accordingly, he apologies for calling Hendrix a “gaybo” all these years.
- Christmas is at his place this year.
- He is running for the president of FIFA.