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The Nintendo Game Boy turned 25 this week. Here are 25 ways to celebrate its birthday:

  • Make cupcakes in four vibrant shades of grey
  • Break a piñata full of AA batteries 
  • Bring your Game Boy to a rental car place and let it pick out whichever car it wants (it’s old enough to rent one now)
  • Get your shit together and finally beat Castlevania
  • Do a live-action role-play of “Dr. Mario” by eating a bunch of random pills
  • Use your Game Boy to pass the time in the hospital after eating a bunch of random pills
  • Invite your little brother over and refuse to share with him, for old time’s sake  
  • Skate and/or Die
  • Do “Tetris shots”: 1 shot of alcohol for each line completed in Tetris
  • Do “Tetanus shots”: 1 vaccination for every time you handle a 25-year-old piece of machinery that’s been in your damp garage for two decades
  • Run around your neighborhood throwing newspapers at people (Paperboying)
  • Run around your neighborhood stealing newspapers from people’s doorsteps (petty theft)
  • Smash the shit out of an Atari Lynx
  • Congratulate your Game Boy on becoming a handsome, well-rounded Game Man
  • Lose yourself in the moment and go in for a kiss
  • Remember what Doctor Reynolds said about kissing inanimate objects
  • Find that copy of ‘Kid Icarus’ you borrowed from your friend Robby Wikarski in 2nd grade
  • Wonder how ol’ Robby’s doing
  • Find Robby on Facebook
  • Drive to his house and start pounding on the windows, screaming “ICARUS, ROBBY! I FOUND ICARUS!!!”
  • Get arrested 
  • Use your Game Boy to pass the time in jail
  • Finally get released after weeks of trading cigarettes for fresh AA batteries
  • Go in for another- no, remember what Dr. Reynolds said…Game Boys aren't for kissing
  • Return to your windowless apartment and wait quietly for the 25th anniversary of the Game Gear in 2015
 
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