So I was off today. I did nothing that was important. I did laundry, I cooked Chili dogs, I even cleaned up the mess. I watched a lot of television today specifically the HISTORY CHANNEL. I realized while watching the HISTORY CHANNEL that I may be a Zombie.
Being a Haitian Zombie would explain a lot of things in my life.
When the people at Wal-mart gave me that evil look because I didn’t put the shopping cart in the cart corral I could’ve just looked at them and screamed- “ITS NOT MY FAULT IM A GOD DAMN HAITIAN ZOMBIE.” “STOP JUDGING ME!!” If I am not a Haitian zombie, then what am I? Explain to me how I always know where the “other sock” is? The dryer didn’t eat it after all. Ha! Haitian zombie. Is zombie a title? I mean should I it be capitalized Like Rev. Dr. Zombie Carl ? What about the abbreviation I mean, abrv of Zombie, how about Zmb? Rev. Dr. Zmb. Carl. I don’t think there is a lot of work in Hollywood for Zombies these days. Well they have all the new special effects with computer graphics and all. I think all of us real Zombies should picket. I mean who ever herd of a fast Zombie? Come on I’m sure the Union would take up our cause. Life is hard on a Zombie these days. I have two televisions on at one time in two separate rooms and am listening to both of them which makes me feel torn. There that’s better. I turned the other one off and am now only hearing Voodoo Zombie talk from the History Channel. Wow I feel so much better now that I know what my condition is. I’m a Zombie and I am proud. So the next time you have one of those messed up days when you are looking for your keys only to discover they are already in your pocket you too can claim Zombie Dom. Welcome to the support group.
I have a sudden urge to go to the Mall. ZOMBIE!!!