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April 19, 2008


anybody know what band played the song that's also my blog title today?

i couldn't sleep last night. kept drifting uncomfortably in and out of consciousness until i couldn't take it anymore. that was at about 5am. i got up, smoked, refreshed my FOD page about a dozen times and smoked again. finally, and around 6am, i decided to go for a walk.

when it's this early on a saturday morning new york can be pretty desolate. and today would be no exception. i drifted down sidetreets in harlem trying to avoid the desparate stares of the vagrants, junkies and no-talent grifters who populate this hour of the day. everyone out right now is a scavanger. a homeless man digging through the trash on the front stoop of a condemned building. the group of addicts clustered against the closed storefronts, trying to feel invisible. their heads darting in paranoia towards any alarming sound. everyone has a hollow, pained, and searching look, and every inch of every desparate stare is infested with an unclaimable anger. just waiting to be pushed over the edge. and what am i doing here? probably just calming my own resless soul. but i can't help but feel like there's something important happening here, something i'm missing, i just need to look harder, feel deeper...

a bloodcurdling scream from and unseen man breaks my revarie and stops me in my tracks. i realize that i'm about 60 blocks from home and i still need to shower and shave before work. reality steps back in and sets me on a course. but i can't shake this feeling...

...i dunno, maybe i just left the oven on...