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June 14, 2016
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Trojan Condoms

You and your significant other pee with the door open, drool on each other’s pillows, and sometimes even use the same toothbrush. Things are starting to get a little routine, even condom use, so it’s time to up your game! How? Don’t simply open the drawer and grab a condom, instead spice things up! (Note: Do not use real spice when spicing things up.)

1. Buy a box of expensive chocolates. Replace all the gross cherry cordial ones with condoms.

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2. Produce a condom from behind their ear with a magic trick. Consider doing the trick wearing nothing but a top hat (Sexier, and less expensive, than a whole magician costume).

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3. Tape a condom to the back of your headboard, and reach over to grab it during foreplay. For an added surprise, as you’re reaching call out, “Is that a spider?!”

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4. Make a trail of rose petals to your bed and replace five of the petals with condoms. It’s going to be a busy night!

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5. Pull a reverse pick-pocket and slip a condom into their jeans. Then just sit back and wait for them to find it.

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6. Forget the welcome mint, try a welcome condom on the pillow!

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7. Send a bouquet of flowers and replace the card with a condom. (Bonus: You don’t have to think of something clever to write on the card!)

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8. Overnight mail one single condom the day before your next date. They’ll get the “whole package” later.

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9. Hide several condoms on the blades of your ceiling fan. When the moment is right, turn on the fan and let condoms rain down.

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