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June 14, 2016

Trojan Condoms

You and your significant other pee with the door open, drool on each other’s pillows, and sometimes even use the same toothbrush. Things are starting to get a little routine, even condom use, so it’s time to up your game! How? Don’t simply open the drawer and grab a condom, instead spice things up! (Note: Do not use real spice when spicing things up.)

1. Buy a box of expensive chocolates. Replace all the gross cherry cordial ones with condoms.


2. Produce a condom from behind their ear with a magic trick. Consider doing the trick wearing nothing but a top hat (Sexier, and less expensive, than a whole magician costume).


3. Tape a condom to the back of your headboard, and reach over to grab it during foreplay. For an added surprise, as you’re reaching call out, “Is that a spider?!”


4. Make a trail of rose petals to your bed and replace five of the petals with condoms. It’s going to be a busy night!


5. Pull a reverse pick-pocket and slip a condom into their jeans. Then just sit back and wait for them to find it.


6. Forget the welcome mint, try a welcome condom on the pillow!


7. Send a bouquet of flowers and replace the card with a condom. (Bonus: You don’t have to think of something clever to write on the card!)


8. Overnight mail one single condom the day before your next date. They’ll get the “whole package” later.


9. Hide several condoms on the blades of your ceiling fan. When the moment is right, turn on the fan and let condoms rain down.