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October 03, 2014

This is could be worse than Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger.

Ebola and Beheading Announce They’re Dating, Creating Horrifying News Celebrity Power Couple

(New York) -Unspeakably horrifying virus Ebola and act of religious extremist violence Beheading announced they’re dating, creating the world’s first Horrifying News Power Couple. They began seeing each other while working together on the front page of every major news outlet in the world and trending on Twitter. TMZ has already dubbed them EboHead.

This is a first romance for Ebola but just one of many for Beheading who has been linked to a number of celebrities including Mary Queen of Scots, Anne Boleyn and Marie Antoinette.

State of the Week managed a quick interview with the couple on the red carpet of the MTV Music Video Awards.

Was it love at first sight?

Beheading:“Ebola is everything I’ve been looking for in a partner. Every time I opened the paper, there she was right next to me.”

Ebola: “We have so many shared interests, like irrationally terrifying Americans and being used as tactic to stir up xenophobia among white people. Sometimes we argue over who’s the more effective distraction from domestic issues.” Laughed Ebola.“He usually wins.”

Beheading:And we both love to travel. Thanks to fear-based news programming we have pretty much managed to get into every country on earth. We’re household names!

Does the age difference make a difference? Ebola, you’re turning 29 and Beheading is well into his two thousands.

Beheading:“We’re no more nauseating than Celine Dion and Rene.”

Ebola: “He’s more old-fashioned and I’m more new age. But in the end if we horrify the entire planet over their morning cup of coffee and keep the world in a state of general powerless unease then that’s all that really matters to us.

Are there plans for a baby? A brainless, senseless, disease-spewing monster?

Beheading:“I won’t confirm anything about having a baby, but I will tell you we both love name Fox”.

Dylan Rhymer’s stand up special: http://youtu.be/4jyeR-sTHfw