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Published August 26, 2008

School’s In- Shoot Carefully

Jim McPartland

www.funnyordie.com/jbmcpart

 

I know nothing that goes on in Texas should surprise me. I’ve always said they should be the capital of the Red States, seceding from the Union and forming their own country where people that think and care are not welcome- slavery is reinstituted- and the Cowboys just play the Texans 16 times per year.

But this one sets a new level of a bar already set so low, ants get over it.

Harrold, Tx- population 320- located by the Oklahoma border in Wilbarger County- is allowing their teachers to carry concealed weapons- in school- to class. A Little House on the Prairie K-12, with a student population of 110. They claim that after the tragedy at Virginia Tech, the teachers need to protect themselves and their students. Self appointed deputies. Tombstone revisited.

In 1885, Harrold was a boom town, with 1500 residents and 16 saloons. Yeee-fuckin’-Aahh!! It is 200 miles north of Dallas. 40% have no high school degree and a whopping 14% graduated college. There are no gays (would you admit to it here?)

50% of the men are farmers, truckers or miners. 30% of the females are in educational services. A quick calculation says it’s the female teachers carrying the weapons.

Why?

There are 110 kids in the school system.  50% are in grades 1-4. Are you telling me they can’t identify the 2 kids who might cause a problem by making faces at their teacher and segregate them? Will detention be replaced by firing squad? Who exactly do they think they need to protect themselves against? I guess it’s from outlaw cowboys passin’ through because the sheriff’s office is ½ hour away. God knows Al Qaida has Harrold on their radar.

The teachers will have to have a training class and a permit. Wow, now I can breathe. I can’t help but envision little Johnny, who raided Mrs. Ludwick’s purse, on the playground at lunch playing real life Cowboys and Indians. Bam- ‘Got ‘cha Diego!’

Every time I think we’ve progressed as a society, Texas reassures me we’ve actually digressed. It’s no wonder nuts like polygamist cults set up shop there. They feel at home- something’s got to be in the water.

Harrold, try Poland Springs for a while.

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