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Published July 20, 2010 More Info »
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Published July 20, 2010
DEARLY BELOVED FRIENDS OF FUNNY OR DIE!   Hello Everyone – WOW, thanks AGAIN for all the somber and moving comments, I would have cried my eyes out… if I had any – here are the result...   HONORABLE MENTIONS   Most Succinct litho – “!”   Most Territorial Epitaph bubbalicious - If you can read these words (in tiny print) GET OFF ME!!!   Most Ominous theDIRTYm… - I’m hot. Are you hot?   Most Poignant Eulogy lizardladyfla - This is a Grave affair, Lizardladyfla (Donna), was a strange yet fun loving person. She died while feeding her Lizards, and in her will stated that 3 times a day someone had to take over, or she would haunt them. It bothered her till the day she died; that she never got the answer right on Phukuhp’s What is it? Does anyone want her 3 cats? Let's all roll a fat one and raise our glass of beer.......cheers and farewell.   SPECIAL AWARDS   The Zombie Award phukuhp – (for epitaph 3) YOUR NOT SAFE YET, FOD CAP GUY, I WILL STRIKE OUT AT YOU, FROM THE HEART OF OBLIVION The Metrosexual Award mellopuma - Here Lies mellowpuma"Gentileman of Leisure, Woman of the Night"   The Boney Award (most theatrical production) jitterbug - My epitaph would say: "What was THAT all about?" or "QUIET! I'm sleepin' here!"I have been late to every event in my life: school, work, therapy, parties - Everything! I purposely am going to schedule my funeral for 2 p.m. At 2:30 p.m. they will roll my casket out into the room.My eulogy will be short and sweet: "Ladies and gentlemen, the LATE Robert C." Music selection will be a collection of some of my favorites through the years that would be appropriate for the occassion: "Stayin' Alive","Every Breath You Take", "Strokin'", "Kryptonite", "How Do You Like Me Now?" or "I Wanna Talk About Me!", "Don't Fear the Reaper" with Will Ferrell on cowbell, and finally, "The Rodeo Song".In actuality, I prefer cremation. I want my ashes spread from the Duquesne Incline platform atop Mt. Washington in Pittsburgh while "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas plays in the background. OR, "It's Raining Men!" by The Weather Girls.DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE GATHERED HERE...   All of the comments were VERY moving; you are ALL winners and thank you again. After HOURS of deliberation, here are my choices for the best of the best…   The BEST OF THE BEST…   Bronze Casket (Most Original Ode and Best Visual) paddydawkin – (Eulogy Ode)  Paddy liked to dance, Paddy liked to write, Paddy liked to do fun things in the nightPaddy liked to sing, Paddy liked to dream, Paddy liked to look at a picture of a ringPaddy did her best, though she was always quite a mess, & she sincerely hated chessPaddy was a fighter, a very skilled survivor and a woman who loved her vibratorNow Paddy's Gone...Back to where she belongs...Sitting on a beach...Wearing nothing but a thong.   Silver Casket (Most Insightful and Optimistic) ViewOfTheWu - Epitaph: Life's too short for that Booshit Eulogy:  E. Wu was a triple threat; she was a great table top dancer, a great cooker of mashed potatoes, and a wonderful teller of the truth. Erika was able to make people feel comfortably awkward with her stating of the obvious, in a both uplifting and degrading way. She was the type of girl that other girls secretly loved to hate and men hated to love. Those close to her knew of her great passions for the ocean, humus, and dogs. Erika lived life to the fullest and is probably whipping the devil into submission at this very moment.   And Last But Not Least – the BEST of the BEST of the BEST is…   GOLD Casket (The Hemingway Award for Writing) keibar - Obituary:  Keibar van Keibar passed away Friday. The cause of death was an imploding liver, which occurred while he was having a half-and-half at O'Shea's, his favorite bar. The coroner believes Mr. Keibar may have died as early as Monday but was well preserved due to his lifelong regimen of spirits and salty snacks. Mr. Keibar was pampered by his mother and treated reasonably well by the world. As a player of women, he was no major leaquer, but he did get to the AA level - more than most men can say. He left behind few accomplishments and a huge carbon footprint. You can visit his cadaver - less his liver - until the start of the Fall Anatomy class at the Johns Hopkins Medical School. In lieu of flowers, please make contributions to the Jack Daniels Distillery, Lynchburg, TN. Here’s the Funeral Soundtrack and Video – If you can listen to and watch this without crying you’re… REALLY DEAD! I’m just sayin’..   Congratulations to keibar and thanks again to everyone; we’ll see you next time; maybe lyziwyg will read phukuhp’s blog and things will be a better soon!(ORIGINAL BLOG STARTS HERE) In keeping with the Tradition of New and Experimental Blogs I am proud to bring you…   THE DO IT YOURSELF BLOG!!   In our troubled and tumultuous world one never knows when one’s “Number Will Come Up”, hence – the premise for this Blog. Imagine if you will that - YOUR’S just did!! Just like that, NO WARNING, NO TIME FOR REFLECTION… YOU… are no more… What will be said about you? How will your “Final Affairs” be handled? Here is your opportunity to examine these issues in safety and on your own terms. While this Blog is not really a Caption Contest, I will STAND IN for the GRIM REAPER himself, performing final JUDGEMENT and selecting the best comments in two categories:   BEST EPITAPH – As an example… KOOLDAD – Nov. 30 19XX – July 20 2010; This is not my grave – I’m just stayin’...   BEST OBITUARY – As an example… Kooldad, a well known beloved and respected Icon of both the Literary and Comedy worlds passed suddenly last night; authorities believe he may have died from a broken heart due to the deterioration and impending closure of his favorite Web Site, “Funny or Die”… etc, etc. The FINAL SHADOW has fallen… I can take you no further... the BOATMAN waits for you at the edge of the river… Good Luck!