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Published September 08, 2010 More Info »
7 Funny Votes
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Published September 08, 2010


There once was a gay boy named Anthony. His Mother, his sister and his gay friends called him Tony, but his father called him “Son”. Anthony loved his father very much, so he promised to never tell his father his secret. Anthony was afraid his father would be sad if he ever found out.

His father’s name was Jack, but Anthony called him “Sir”. Jack was a pilot in the war against the Vietnamese. Jack called them “Gooks”.


When Anthony turned 16, he got his drivers license. That evening, Anthony heard a horn beeping in his driveway. Anthony, his sister and his mother went outside to see who was honking. There in the driveway was Jack leaning against a shiny black vintage pick-up truck. Anthony’s father smiled and waived his son over.

Anthony drove the shiny black truck for the next four years. He hated that truck. It symbolized everything that his father wanted in a son, and everything that Anthony wasn’t. It was a lie. It made Anthony sad.

When Anthony was 42 years old, his telephone rang. Anthony picked up his phone and was happy to hear his mother’s voice. “Tony, we miss you. I miss you. Won’t you please come home for Thanksgiving?” his mother asked.

“I would love to mother, more than anything… but, what about father?” Tony replied.

“Never mind your father, just come home. You have nothing to worry about.”

Anthony paused, “It’s hard mom, it’s not like when I was a kid. I can’t hide it from him anymore. I’m 42 for god’s sake. He knows I’m not married. He knows I have no kids. He’s never even met a single girlfriend! I just don’t know how to be his son anymore. I don’t want him to be sad.”

“But, you shouldn’t be sad either Tony. Just come home and be yourself. I love you. And your father loves you. Unconditionally. I promise. Come home.”

Anthony agreed, wiped the tears from his eyes and softly hung up the phone.

On Thanksgiving morning, Anthony placed his suitcase into the backseat of his lemonade yellow Saturn Sky and waved goodbye to his Persian cat whom watched from the living room window. 


He drove, and drove, and drove some more. Every once in awhile, Anthony would catch himself staring into the rear view mirror. He would smile, sometimes wink, then drive some more, finally reaching his destination. He sat there in his car in silence. He peered up for one last look into the rear view mirror. “This is it. Be yourself. He’ll never know.” He said to himself in a deep tone. Anthony exited the car and approached the front steps. The door burst open and his elderly mother came out with open arms and smile. 


They embraced on the front porch and then she pushed him back and studied his face. “When did you grow this beard?” She questioned him.

Anthony smiled confidently and whispered, “I thought it would help. Don’t you think I look, well you know… more manly?”

Anthony's Mother ran her fingers through it gently and smiled, “I guess it does a little... but doesn’t that tickle your boyfriend’s testicles during flatio?”

- el fin

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