My 2011 F**k It Resume

Job hunting is like picking up a girl at a bar.  You have to lie, embellish, pander, and generally act like a tool to have any chance of success.  Even then, you’ll probably get brushed off.  That’s why in 2011 I’m changing my strategy altogether, beginning with my resume.  Below you’ll see the revisions I’ve made to position me for a year of guaranteed full-time employment.

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TO:  Employer

From:  t.j. peters

SUBJECT:  Hire Me, Dipshit

ATTACHMENT:  TJPetersResume.pap (file extension refers to method of delivery—Paper Airplane)