Female iPhone users are about to find their favorite electronic even more indispensible – after they give birth. At its unveiling this morning in San Francisco, Apple announced that its iPhone 5 will include the functionality to wet nurse.
The $50 application allows new moms to replace the iPhone’s standard-issue LCD screen with an LMD (Liquid Milk Display) capable of producing and letting milk.
“Tastes like mercury,” said one dad willing to put his mouth on anything.
“Young women have been glued to their iPhones since puberty,” said Apple CEO Tim Cook at the unveiling. “So it’s inevitable their offspring will be hard-wired from birth to accept the LMD screen instead of some engorged, overrated areola.”
Apple also promoted the milk-producing iPhone as a relief from the demands of single parenting.
The iNurse feature, for instance, will reportedly work in sync with Apple’s Siri to intuitively reassure the baby that it is loved, needed, and even tell it to “go the f*ck to sleep.”
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