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January 04, 2009


* SACRAMENTO —  A trail of popcorn led police to a wanted man. Tyree Brown, 21, was arrested Thursday for a theft warrant, and on suspicion of possession of stolen property. Police received an alarm call from Food Stop. Upon their arrival, officers found a trail of popcorn from the business that led them all the way to an apartment where Brown was found snacking on the evidence.

Sources close to Hansel and Gretel say, "Clearly this burglar is a copycat."

* ROCHESTER —  A Detroit mother gave birth to twin boys, on different days and in different months of different years.

Sources close to the interracial couple who gave birth to two sets of mismatched twins, one black and one white in each delivery say, "Big deal."

* COOLIN —  A moose was rescued by some good samaritans, after falling through the ice. The rescue lasted six hours. Once the moose was pulled ashore, rescuers covered the animal with heating blankets powered by 250 feet of extension cords, and used hay and a propane heater to warm the animal. Finally, the moose began to walk on its own.

Sources close to Sarah Palin say, "The moose was a bit wobbly, but was a pretty easy shot from our chopper."

* A Tennessee woman found a bullet in her 7-month-old baby's diaper believed to be from New Year's celebrations. At church the baby was crying, so her mom tried giving her a binki, to calm her. When that didn't work, she took her into the bathroom, where she changed the baby's diaper and discovered the bullet, which is believed to have been shot through the ceiling. The Pastor said the baby was truly blessed. The mom says she has no intention of changing the brand of diapers she uses, Livin' in Da Hood Huggies, because they saved her baby's life.

Sources close to the baby say, "Goo, goo, gah, gah, that shit really packed a wallop! I mean, I've packed some heat in my day, but that shit was whack!"