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December 16, 2008


so i see to my right here, theres this neat "philps norelco" body grooming funny contest whatever goin on and say to myself "wow, i wonder if i could ramble my way into this contest with myyyy funny shaving stories" but then check out the official rules, only to be foiled again by one of my many arch-nemesises...nemesi?  well the plural of "nemesis"...this one being the dreaded "US Residents Only" rule. 
apparently the loveable people to the north, me being one, are excluded from all the reindeer games that the americans are holding the red nosed canadians out of.  the lame thing is that these people dont offer any offers for us canucks to enter, instead choosing to merely allow us to be bombarded with the same teasing contest that im not allowed to join.  the same goes with the flight of the conchords video dub contest they have going.  the irony there is they're a couple of new zealanders and yet still only americans can perform in the contest; therefore, the conchords wouldnt be able to enter and win their own contest unless they were rockin green cards and felt like trying to be in their own fan video?  i mean i doubt id make a video for the contest anyways, but i would like to think the option is still there so i can say "yaa, i was gunna do it, buuut i didnt". 
Same goes for this "manalogue" contest deally, seeing as quite honestly, i dont have any funny hair stories to tell, given that im not an overly hairy guy.  if i was truly bored and not spending my time running off on my inability to enter all contests worth winning, i could probably count all my chest hairs within an hour, and no i wont talk about hair anywhere else (no i do not wax my legs, theres just not much hair there and its semi blonde).  this statement also applies to "the beard", which is formed by a variety of colors really.  its a facial rainbow of sorts, as the arching "moustache" is comprised mainly of blonde and red hairs, and completed with some browns as it reaches downwards.  i guess the real humor comes when i decided to try some beard dye out just to make everything appear united, only to dye my face (almost) in the process since my beard is so thin, its not worth the effort.
hmm...thats not really that funny at all is it?  it really appears more as sad, like that one legged puppy in the petcetera twenty minutes away.  not that sad actually.  more sad like you just realized that the tooth fairy isnt real, as you realize that no matter how much you imagine that this concept (or beard) is awesome, in reality its just your parents rewarding you for the teeth that they store away in some sort of tooth collection
(i hear teeth make for excellent presents for the craft addict in the family) (really?  how so?) (well funny you should ask...) (well i wasnt trying to be funny, i just wanted to know why craft addicts like teeth) (i dunno..necklaces orrr shakey instruments...i was just amused by the play on word of craft addict and crack addict..i didnt really think this one through) (no, not really...im offended) (im sorry) (thats ok...wanna do some craft?)
anyways, the point of this conversation today is to remind you people that craft addicts are people too.  just because they enjoy gluing pom poms and pipe cleaners to macaroni, paper plates and googly eyes, doesnt mean they deserve those dirty looks.  most of them are just small children who enjoy the taste of a good glue (i recommend elmers...yum!)

...i was talking about something else wasnt i?  zippers? gnus? US restrictions? ah yes...could you americans that accidently find this blog in the hopes that i'm talking about something relevant, please remember that canadians are people too, and want to enter the fun american contests, even if some us speak an inaudible french-english hybrid.  we're tall enough now to ride the big kids roller coaster; if not, at least give us a kiddie carousel to keep us amused while everyone else gets to have fun (aka give us a good contest of some sort, even if its just a chance to win a block of cheese hand-signed by will ferrell, seeing as that would already be far greater than most the prizes out there..i mean how often does ferrell sign cheese do you think? man, how great would that victory taste...i guess it all depends on what kind of cheese the guy's givin out.  ferrell strikes me as being a sharp cheddar kinda guy...

(annnd i thank you for my block of cheese william, i will now make nachos)