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December 13, 2016

Cabbage Patch Kids, Tickle Me Elmo, Teddy Ruxpin, and More

It seems like every holiday season, there’s some new toy craze sweeps the country, but what ever happened to some of the most famous must-have toys of Christmas past? Let’s take a look:

Tickle Me Elmo

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These days, a more fitting name might be Don’t Interview Me Elmo. Mr. Elmo now shuns the public spotlight. He resides alone in his modest condo, situated over 500 feet from any school property per the mandatory restrictions.

Rubik’s Cube

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The Rubik’s Cube is still there, but it may be unrecognizable to those who knew it in the 1980’s. The back side, once known as a primarily Orange side, has transitioned into a hotbed of overpriced properties for trendy trust fund Blue squares.



Like so many of America’s former sweethearts, it has been a tragic descent for Slinky since its heyday. Slinky currently has no listed address, but several witnesses have reported seeing it slouching on the middle of a neglected stairway and offering to go down for any pusher who passes by.

Cabbage Patch Kids

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Cabbage Patch Kids are still active and continue to insist on their relevance. They have recently rebranded and even ran a presidential candidate in the 2016 election under their new moniker: The Green Party.

Teddy Ruxpin

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Ruxpin is currently serving 3 consecutive life sentences in a California maximum security prison. He maintains his innocence and blames his acts on possession by an Alice Cooper cassette.



2016 saw a dramatic resurgence in the popularity of Pokemon. They now even make handheld Pokemon machines that can text and call friends and family.



Much like Transformers, Robosapiens are once again a pop culture force to be reckoned with thanks to a successful major on-screen franchise. The series airs on HBO and stars Evan Rachel Wood, Anthony Hopkins, and Jeffrey Wright.

Beanie Babies

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As predicted, currently over three quarters of Forbes Magazine’s richest 100 Americans made their fortunes off Beanie Baby collections.