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April 05, 2012

Donald Trump in the world of insects


YaFired Fly


The fourth in our series related to the insect world. Our last star was the Praying Santis - the most sanctimonious of all insects.

We now shift course to the more decadent variety - the notorious YaFired Fly. 

As was the case with the Kardashi Ants - the YaFired Fly seems to be ubiquitous - everywhere at all times. And while at least the Kardashi Ants were an attractive species, the YaFired Fly sadly lands on the other end of that spectrum.

The YaFired Fly (In Latin: Orangetrumpusassholis) is much different than the ordinary house fly. It's most notable feature being a bright orange face. In fact, the YaFired Fly gots it's common name from it's primary defense mechanism - the almost fire orange yellow face it emits to scare off predators. As depicted below, this particualty notable at night:

The horrific image of the bright orange face scares off even the boldest of spiders and other predators.

The male YaFired Fly has unique mating habits. It will only mate female YaFired Flies there are at least at least half its age and those that have very large frontal plates. Even at that, the male YaFired Fly will not mate with any one female for any extended period of time.

Although testing is still ongoing, entomologists have theorized that the female YaFired Fly may be sightless. The theory is based upon the fact that while all other insects in the entomological kingdom are repulsed by the YaFired Fly, especially at night when the orange face defense mechanism is in full view, inexplicably, the female YaFired fly still gets close enough to mate.

The YaFired Fly builds its' own nests and prefers nest locations with significant altitude, such as towers. Unlike other insects, the YaFired Fly constructs its' nests in much larger proportion than is required for any normal house fly. Entomologists have speculated that this is due to the YaFired Flys' ability to carry the material required to construct a nest on it's body - specifically, the cranial area - at all times. The accumulation of the nesting material takes place in four distinct phases as the YaFired Fly matures.  Below is a scientific illustration of the four phases

Once the YaFired Fly reaches the Cohmovermaximus stage, the nesting material is fully in place and secure. Even the force of hurricane strength winds will not disturb the placement of the nesting material.

Up until fairly recently, the YaFired Fly had a relatively balanced flight pattern. However, entomologists noted that, starting in early 2011, the YaFired Fly favored the right wing resulting in the insect often just flying around in circles.

The YaFired Fly is attracted to the ink that is used in making American currency and, unlike other flies that are prevalent around junk yards and trashcans, the YaFired Fly will only hover around steaming piles of cash,

Although difficult to eradicate, the Ya Fired Fly has a crucial weakness in that it is attracted to lights, particularly those used in movie lights and cameras. When these are present, the YaFired Fly will swarm to the light source and while greatly illuminated for a moment, will soon burn out.

Finally, although the YaFired Fly is selective in that it will predominately only feed off money ink, it will in fact shit all over anyone.