The U.S. Supreme Court ruled Thursday that a sweeping ban on handguns in the nation's capital violated the Second Amendment right to bear arms. While many residents of Washington D.C. were upset by the court's ruling, the city's assholes were quite pleased .
"Finally, my hometown feels like home!" said redneck Travis Dullworth while firing his Smith & Wesson at the sky. "Now anytime I see a distant stop sign or a cloud that looks like Barack Obama, I don't have to scramble to find a rock to throw at it, I've got a pistol in my pocket! It keeps the kids busy too."
Dale Deutchendorf, a postal worker and borderline psychotic, was also ecstatic. "I've been threatening to go on a killing spree for awhile now," said Deutchendorf. "But now when I tell my coworkers that I might have a gun in my mailbag, they'll actually believe me. Now who's going to tell me I can't listen to my iPod at work? No one!"
As gun lovers in the DC area flooded Walmarts on Thursday, the store released an official statement reporting that their Washington D.C. stores sold out of handguns in less than one hour. They also reported a huge spike in ski mask and pantyhose sales.
One shirtless man, who wished to remain anonymous, was hoping to take a picture of himself with his handgun for his Myspace page but arrived too late. "Well, I came to buy a handgun, but at least I got me some Nickelback CDs."