Move over cat cafes, get outta here cat yoga, you’re old news, Kitty Halftime Show during the Puppy Bowl, there’s a new cat trend in town: Bar Meowtzvahs! And it’s sweeping my apartment!
Almost all of my cats have undergone the sacred rite of passage from kitty to cat, each bar meowtzvah more solemn and fun than the last! Now I know what you’re thinking: shouldn’t it be bar or bat meowtzvah since some of my cats may be girls? While I don’t know the sex of the cats I find and bring home, I try to fight the harmful stereotype that dogs are boys and cats are girls by assuming all my cats are boys.
Look at Lima nervous on the Bima!
For all you non-catjews, a “bima” is the stage at a synagogue where the Torah is read. I made a make shift one in my apartment for the bar meowtzvahs! Also, it should be noted that my cat Lima is pronounced like “Lima bean” while bima is pronounced “bee-mah” so although it looks like a fun rhyme, it’s not. If you pronounced “Lima on the bima” incorrectly in your head, please re-read it, using the correct pronunciation.
Catthew Perry really struggled with his Torah portion!
Some of you may think that this whole bar meowtzvah thing makes a mockery of a sacred Jewish tradition. Or that naming a cat after Catthew Perry is insulting to the great actor Matthew Perry. I assure you I have the utmost respect for both Jewish traditions as well as actor Matthew Perry and that I am only trying to honor both by performing bar meowtzvahs and/or naming cats after them.
Furgus was a Bar Meowtzvah grump!
Seriously, Furgus hated his Bar Meowtzvah. Like, really hated the entire thing. I think he may be an anti-semite.
Furgus’s intense hatred of Jews and Jewish tradition didn’t stop us from partying though!
We have a good time in my apartment. Just a grown man and his cats. Having bar meowtzvahs and bar meowtzvah parties. Is this sad?
Don’t forget to have a bar meowtzvah for all your Neko Atsume kitties!
Ok, this last one is pretty sad. I think I crossed a line throwing bar meowtzvahs for my Neko Atsume cats.