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November 07, 2014
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In our Daily Brief, we bring you the stories that even idiots are talking about today.

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Grand Theft Uh-oh!
Grand Theft Auto V’s next-gen version will have a new first person shooter mode, a very big deal for video game fans. The new mode is meant to appeal to gamers who want to be a video game character that kills hookers but also feel like they are the ones doing it.


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Amazon Uh-oh!
Amazon made a surprise announcement of a new personal assistant robot called “Echo”, just in time for holiday shopping season. The robot is being touted as “combining the creepiness of being constantly monitored with the uselessness of Siri.”


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Keira Knightly Topless Ph-Uh-ohs!
The internet pipes are clogged today with the story of Keira Knightley going topless for a photoshoot under the condition that her figure would not be photoshopped in anyway. This is either a bold feminist statement or the latest trick by 4chan.


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Class Warfare-Uh-oh!
A study from Oxfam shows that the 85 richest individuals on Earth have as much money as the poorest 3.5 billion. To see just how many zeroes are in that figure, look at it this way: $ of 85 ≥ $ of 3,500,000,000. Economists say that if these 85 wealthy individuals were to give up just one percent of their wealth, they could collectively open the biggest casino in human history and make trillions.


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President Uh-Oh!bama Nominates L-Uh-oh-retta Lynch
President Obama is expected to pick Brooklynite Loretta Lynch as the next U.S. Attorney General. This marks an historic occasion, as Lynch will be the first woman of color to be blocked from the Attorney General position by the GOP-dominated congress.


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World War III Uh-Oh Avoided
Japan and China announced that they will “agree to disagree” over which country owns a string of disputed islands in the East China Sea. “Wait, that was an option?” said every country in history that has ever had a war.


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