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October 02, 2008
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ALL OF MY FRIENDS KNOW THAT IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM IN THE WEE HOURS OF THE MORNING, IM THE MAN TO COME TO. MY DAYS ARE UPSIDE DOWN SO IF YOU CANT SLEEP, DRUNK AND NEED SOMETHING FROM THE STORE. CALL ME AND IF I CAN ILL BE THERE.

SO LAST NIGHT THE PHONE RANG AND A BUDDY OF MINE WAS AT THE HOSPITAL. SEEMS HIS EXPECTANT WIFE AND BABY TO BE. CANT READ A CALENDER. SHE PROCEEDED TO GIVE BIRTH TO THIER FIRST CHILD A WEEK AND A HALF EARLY...SO OFF I GO TO BERT FISCHE TO SIT WITH HIM FOR AWHILE. THE DOCTOR CAME OUT AND TOLD HIM THAT WIFE AND BABY WERE OK, NO NEED TO WORRY, AND THEY WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF FULL CHILD BIRTH.  HE MIGHT HAVE A FEW HOURS WAIT. MY FRIEND HAS BODILY EFFLUENCE ISSUES SO THERE WAS NO PLAN FOR HIM TO SHARE IN THE BIRTH EXPERIENCE... I SUGGESTED DENNY'S.

SO WHILE WE WERE WAITING ON OUR PIE AND COFFEE HE DROPPED THIS LITTLE BOMB ON ME. HE TOLD ME HE WAS NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO SHAREING THE PLACENTAL MEAL WITH HIS WIFE. SHE HAD READ SOMEWHERE THAT IT WAS GOOD FOR MOTHER AND BABY FOR THE PLACENTIA TO BE CONSUMED. BEING RICH IN AMBIONIC FLUIDS, MARINATING FOR NINE MONTHS IF YOU WILL. IT DID ALL KINDS OF REALLY GOOD THINGS TO MOMS BODY. I HAD HEARD OF THIS PRACTICE BUT NEVER ON SUCH A PERSONAL BASES. TURNS OUT THAT THE HOSPITAL WILL PREPARE IT FOR CONSUMTION.........UUUUUHHHH

MY BRAIN GOES DIRECTLY TO FANTASY HERE. THE NEXT IMAGE I SEE IS HANNIBAL LECHTER STARING OUT OF HIS CELL AND SAYING IN THAT CALM VOICE... "I ATE HER PLACENTA WITH SOME FAVAH BEANS. IT WAS REALLY QUIT GOOD... WHAT I DID WAS , I FRIED IT UP IN SOME BUTTER AND GARLIC AFTER DIPPING IT IN AN EGG BATTER. ALONG WITH THE FAVAHS, I ALSO SERVED A CHILLED SPINACH SALAD. THE PROBLEM CAME WITH THE WINE SELECTION. WHAT DOES ONE DRINK  WHEN CONSUMING HUMAN FLESH. SO I SETTLED ON A SWELL LITTLE CHILLEAN WHITE ZINFANDELL. A LITTLE MORE TANNIC THAN YOUR DOMESTICS, YOU KNOW A LITTLE MORE FULL BODIED."

DAVE.... DAVE.... HUH. HEY MAN I LOST YOU THERE FOR AWHILE WHERE DID YOUR MIND GO... WHAT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH, AND A LOT LOUDER  THAN I MEANT WAS... YOUR GONNA EAT YOUR WIFE... SEVERAL PEOPLE TURNED AND STARED. MY FRIEND LOOKED HORRIFIED. I SAID AGAIN, YOUR GONNA EAT YOUR WIFE... NO,UH, NO, HE SAID. I SAID WELL IF YOU PULL SOME DNA AND HAD IT CHECKED WHAT DO THINK IS GONNA COME BACK, STEAK AND A BAKED POTATOE. MAN THIS IS CANIBALISM. YOUR SITTING HERE TELLING ME YOU HAVE PLANS TO EAT A HUMAN ORGAN THAT CAME FROM YOUR WIFE... HUMAN BEING VISCERA. HOW COULD YOU EVEN CONSIDER DOING THIS. BUT SHE SAID THAT, UH... SHE READ THAT... THE DOCTOR DIDNT... OH SHIT IM NOT GONNA DO THAT... O.M.G I TOLD HER...

DUDE I CAN SEE THAT YOU DIDNT THINK THIS THROUGH. I STOOD UP FOUND THE WAITRESS AND CANCELED OUR ORDER.

THERE WASN'T MUCH CONVERSATION ON THE WAY  BACK TO THE HOSPITAL. HE JUST STARED OFF INTO SPACE WITH HIS MOUTH OPENED. HE  ASKED ME TO DROP HIM OFF AT THE DOOR.

I HAVENT HEARD FROM MY FRIEND YET TODAY. I HOPE HE  STILL IS MY FRIEND. I CALLED THE HOSPITAL A LITTLE BIT AGO AND HE IS THE PROUD PAPPY OF A BABY GIRL, BORNE AROUND 3:00 PM. WELL IT'S 700 NOW, TIME FOR SUPPER, BUT I JUST CANT THINK OF ANYTHING APPETIZING.

THE REASON I WROTE THIS IS BECAUSE I SEE I HAVE STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT WHAT THEY HAD/HAVE PLANS TO DO. BUT, AM I OVER ACTING? IS THIS A COMMON PRACTICE... DO Y'ALL, YOU WHO ARE READING THIS THINK IM WRONG. DID I RUIN THIER HAPPY EVENT. I AM CONFUSSED AS TO WHY HE DIDNT FEEL THE SAME WAY... HELP PLEASE.

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