The Vatican was struck by lightning after the Pope announced he was retiring. That really happened. Sounds like someone's not handling the breakup well. – Conan O'Brien
Why was the Pope not allowed to fly into the United States?
He wanted to bring more than 3 oz of holy water with him.
With the Pope retiring, more than 100 cardinals will sequester themselves in the Sistine Chapel to choose the next Pope. They'll send out white smoke if they've chosen somebody, black smoke if they haven't chosen somebody, and a text message when they find out that it's 2013. - Jimmy Fallon
What happened when the Pope splashed some Holy Water on Dick Cheney?
He began to burn!
The Pope said in an interview recently that the use of condoms is acceptable under certain circumstances. For instance, if you're dating someone from the cast of 'Jersey Shore.' - Jay Leno
What is the Pope's favorite airline?
Pope Benedict is in America! Wooo! He hath done it! Here he is being greeted by President Bush, the leaders of the two most powerful theocracies in the world. I personally have trouble telling them apart. They're both infallible. They both did some things when they were younger that they wish people would forget. One was a cheerleader, the other Nazi youth. It's a fine line. - Stephen Colbert