Full Credits

Stats & Data

125Funny
98Die
5,086
Views
June 03, 2016
Published
Description

Your ultimate guide to picking sunnies, baby.

Well it’s that time of year again–the sun is hot in the sky which means it will burn your dang eyes out if you don’t protect them. So here’s your ULTIMATE guide to picking out a pair of sunnies that will keep the bikini babes and board short buddies looking your way.


Identify Your Face Shape

As we know there are 15 basic human face shapes: Round, Pear, Big Ball, Adult Baby, Ping Pong, Heart, Kevin Hart, Chin-On-Top & Forehead-on-Bottom, Candle, Stapler, T-Shirt, Dingus, Venus de Milo, Thanksgiving, and Paper Doll.

Find out which one you are & get the pair of sunglasses that are the RIGHT size for your face. This means they shouldn’t fall of your nose and onto the ground where they smash into a million teeny tiny bits. They should just sit right on your face and hover.


Look at the Sunglasses to See If They Are Good

Look at the glasses and hold them. Do they feel good on your fingers? Do they have two half-moons that connect in the middle plus the side parts? Are they tinted and not clear? If YES to all these answers, then they are good.

Find out which one you are & get the pair of sunglasses that are the RIGHT size for your face. This means they shouldn’t fall of your nose and onto the ground where they smash into a million teeny tiny bits. They should just sit right on your face and hover.


Try on the Sunglasses

Make sure you’re in a country where it is legal to try them on. Put your fingers on the glasses, and then put them on your face. DO NOT PUT THEM IN YOUR MOUTH.

Put them up top, where your eyes are.


Look in the Mirror

You should be looking at yourself in a mirror. If you can’t see yourself in the mirror, it’s because you are too low and the mirror is above you. Unbend your knees and make your legs longer. Good. Now do you see yourself in the mirror? If not, raise yourself up a little bit. A little bit more. A little bit more. Now? Yes? There you go. There’s your face. Good job.


Is it Dark Now?

Is it dark now? If the answer is yes, congrats. You are wearing the sunglasses.

If not, go back to Step 3--did you accidentally put them in your mouth? If you did, take them out of your mouth and put them on the front of your face.


Food for Thought

Ever think that sunglasses look a little like boobs?

No? Okay, moving on.


Wear Them

Did you know you don’t have to pay for sunglasses if you look cool enough? Take a leather jacket out of your cool, ripped backpack and put the sunglasses on and walk outta that store like James Fucking Dean or Bono.


Walk Outside & Stare Directly Into the Sun

Just look up and let loose, baby. You’re protected forever and you’re never gonna die. ;)

Advertisement
Advertisement