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May 21, 2015

Brian tries really hard and it sucks that he was named Class Fuckboi in the school superlatives.

Hey guys. I know class superlatives are all meant in fun and I shouldn’t read too much into it but I’m a little annoyed about being voted “Class Fuckboi” this year. Most of the other superlatives are complimentary things but this one feels sorta mean. I’m sure none of you guys who voted actually meant to hurt my feelings and obviously I like a joke as much as the next guy but, honestly, this is harsh.

First off, I’m not even a senior?? I still have a year left so I don’t know why I was up for any superlatives in the first place. I’m Class of 2016. But heck, even if I were graduating this year, I still would have been really surprised to win this because, until now, “Class Fuckboi” has never been a category.

Which brings me to — why is this a category? When I asked Mr. Largo, the yearbook adviser, why teachers allowed this, he was like, “I don’t know but they voted for you unanimously. There was no one in second place.” When I asked him to specify whom the pronoun “they” was referring to, he told me it was students and faculty. So, apparently, not only did teachers allow this new superlative but they actually took part in the voting. It’s bad enough my peers consider me a top fuckboi, but knowing the adults in this school consider me one as well really stings.

I’m also annoyed ’cause I don’t fully know what a fuckboi is. I asked my dad and he was like, “I don’t really know how to describe it but you definitely are one. The yearbook was right to include you in that category.” So that was more hurtful than helpful. I checked UrbanDictionary.com and the first definition was just a jpeg of my class photo. Really funny, guys, but just so you know when this crosses from the pages of the yearbook and onto the internet that’s when it becomes something called CYBERBULLYING. So yeah — if you wanna be voted Class Cyberbullies next year, keep it up.

Here are a list of superlatives I would have been happier with: Most Likely to Succeed, Class Cool Guy, Class Couple (I know I’m single but I still voted for myself), Class Clown (remember when I accidentally shit my pants in class?! I distinctly remember you guys thinking it was hysterical!), Class Cried Really Bad When He Shit His Pants In Class … honestly, I’d have been happy with any of these. Or nothing at all! Again, I’m only a junior so have one more year here. But let’s keep these categories in mind for yearbook 2016.

In closing, I think it would be really “fleek” if everyone could do me a solid and rip Page 32 (aka “The Fuckboi Page”) from their yearbooks. I understand the other side of the page is the one we dedicated to the kid who killed himself but, honestly, that’s on you, guys. TBH, I’m surprised that’s how the yearbook committee chose to lay out the photos in the first place. It seems like more of a “last page” segment, honestly. So yeah — I’ll be coming by and checking yearbooks personally this Friday to make sure my wishes have been carried out. Anyone who fails to remove this page from their yearbook will — well, I guess I don’t know yet what’ll happen but you’ll definitely be Class Dick when I print my own yearbooks later this summer.